Citizenship

I tell our son all the time: Vote, vote, vote. Vote every time there’s an election. Vote when there’s a presidential election, a midterm, a local election, a special election or a primary. Voting is one of the most important rights we have as citizens, a right people in this country have bled to attain and protect. Voting can help determine the course of this country more effectively than anything else can. You may not find the perfect candidate who exactly aligns with your goals but you can still vote for one who can get you closer to those goals.

He’s only 10 and tired of hearing it. But from an early age, my parents drilled it into me to vote, and it worked. I’ve been voting faithfully since I was 18 (the 1992 presidential primary was days after my birthday and I was so happy I could vote immediately), skipping very few elections, none of them major. I’m hoping the message will rub off on our son the same way my parents’ message rubbed off on me.

I think of this sometimes when I see where we are as a country and how different things could have been the last two years if voting had gone slightly differently. The latest thing that appalls me is President Trump’s idea to use an executive order to end birthright citizenship, which is enshrined in the Fourteenth Amendment. This could mean that children born in this country would not automatically be considered citizens if their parents were immigrants.

Were my Dad and his sisters not American citizens because their parents were born in Ireland? Think of how many people you know, maybe in your family tree, who are children of immigrants and imagine that they are no longer considered citizens even after a lifetime of living here.

Of course, I highly doubt anyone would have said someone like my Dad wasn’t a citizen. No, this idea is aimed at the fear of too many brown-skinned people coming to America, like this caravan the right wing is touting like it’s some extremely slow Category 5 hurricane: “They’re coming! They’re a thousand miles away and they have leprosy and there are Ay-rab terrorists hiding among them and they’re (eventually) coming to kill you!” These are people seeking refuge from some terror in Central America, like so many have sought refuge from awful things during American history. Yet we need to dispatch a bigger contingent of soldiers than we’ve dispatched to Syria to deal with people applying for asylum. All this to defend something that, if the refugees do improperly, would be a misdemeanor.

I don’t understand this. It seems like some people believe the following things about this caravan, which they think are simultaneously true by some acrobatic physics:

1. They’re too lazy to work and will take advantage of your Hard-Earned Tax Dollars to get public assistance; and

2. They’re going to take your jobs, even though they’re menial jobs that you’re too good for anyway.

Using an executive order to supersede the Fourteenth Amendment is some half-baked idea from a fever swamp, and even if it never comes to pass, it’s alarming to see the president of the United States endorsing it. That man swore an oath to protect and defend the Constitution and now he’s in effect saying his word and his will would instead be supreme, and that is a terrible abuse of power and a dereliction of duty. (This confirms what I feel is one of the problems with the way Trump governs: He does it like a 72-year-old who watches a lot of Fox News. You or I could see something on the news that outrages us and say “There oughta be a law!” but we don’t need to know all the intricacies of what would need to happen, since we’re not the president. Well, Trump is the president and should have an understanding of these things, but on too many things, he doesn’t.)

From what I’ve been reading, the Fourteenth Amendment was a reaction to the evils of Dred Scott, which decided that black people could never be citizens, even if they were born here. In the late 19^th century, America tried to deny citizenship to a Chinese-American who had been born here (the Chinese being the personae non grata of their day), but the Supreme Court affirmed her citizenship. I read one recent author who said since the amendment passed, the “birthright has been affirmed, again and again, ensuring that no matter how racist the regime, the Constitution grants citizenship to all people born in the United States.”

I think that’s so important because other countries have declared groups of people un-citizens as a pretext to denying them other rights and visiting great evils on those people. If they don’t consider you human, there’s no reason to treat you like a human. Here in America, if you’re born here, you’re one of us, and that’s fundamental to our country’s character.

If this executive order came to pass, I’m sure it would go right to the Supreme Court. I’d hope that regardless of politics, those nine justices would not want to invalidate 150 years of established judicial precedent regarding a basic right, but who knows. That’s what disturbed me about Brett Kavanaugh: His partisan outbursts at the hearing made it clear that he was a Republican loyalist. The people are entitled to a Supreme Court that rules on the basis of law and not partisan loyalty, whether those justices are appointed by Democrats or Republicans.

That brings me back to voting. If the 2016 vote had gone slightly differently, we would not have a president proposing ending birthright citizenship. If the Senate vote had gone differently in a few races, Kavanaugh might not have been confirmed with the thinnest of majorities and he might not be a potential decisive vote on what would be a hugely consequential case.

So get out there on Tuesday, and on all the future Tuesdays, and vote, vote, vote. It’s an important part of citizenship and even if it doesn’t impact you immediately, your vote could have a profound impact on the future.

Indoctrination

Any parents are going to want to mold their children. They’ll want to pass on their values, history, priorities and cultural touchstones. We’re coming in sort of in the middle of the movie with our son, as some of his tastes have already been set. We’re honoring all that stuff, but it’s just natural that we’re trying to pass down some of the cultural stuff we care about, so he’s well rounded and what not.

There’s just so much culture we’ve already experienced, and I can’t wait to share it with him. Some of it is a little Rated R but we figured, why not find something good for his age range and start watching The Simpsons with him?  

We skipped the early few seasons (the characters were too unformed and the tone uneven for me) and started with season 4, the beginning of the golden years. We’re well into season 5 now and he’s been enjoying it. It’s so much fun to revisit classics with someone who’s never seen them, episodes like “Rosebud” (“Have the Rolling Stones killed!”), “Marge vs. the Monorail” (“Sorry, Marge, the mob has spoken!”), “Deep Space Homer” (“In Rod We Trust”), “Marge Gets a Job” (“It’s the Curies! We must flee!”) and “Bart Gets an Elephant” (“D’oh! A deer! A female deer!”). He’s been into The Simpsons and asks us if we can watch it, so I guess that’s a winner.

As for music, I’ve been emphasizing some of the stuff I like to listen to. It’s not like I have any idea of what 10-year-olds like to listen to so this has mostly been what now passes for oldies. I’ve been playing a lot of Madonna, Prince, etc. He says he likes what he hears but he doesn’t know any of it and hasn’t heard of these artists, which kills me. We’re also trying to keep him in touch with his African-American culture (which we believe is our obligation) so one easy way to do that is to push the music.

Of course, I realize it’s a fool’s errand to push your music on their kids because ultimately, they’ll roll their eyes at your tastes and rebel. But I’m hoping something seeps through subliminally.

I’m also trying to get him rooting for our sports teams, but that’s been a challenge. He is not an Eagles fan (which made for a roller coaster Sunday when they collapsed and the Panthers won, leading to a lot of “In your face!” in our house). He is a Steelers fan. It’s not like he’s a Patriots fan or something (he hates them), and I’m not opposed to the Steelers or anything. But when he told Steve he likes the Penguins—them’s fighting words (although I think he was trolling). Our son has no interest in baseball and doesn’t like the Sixers. But if he wants Steelers swag, we can get him some.

I have no idea why he’s a Steelers fan, by the way. He’s lived his whole life in the Wilmington area. There seem to be a lot of people who are sports fans of teams that have no relation to their geographic areas or family traditions. How does that happen, anyway? If you live somewhere with no local teams, I can see latching on to whatever team strikes your fancy, but we have four teams that have been around forever. I guess I’m too much of a partisan Philadelphia sports fan to understand. My local teams are my local teams.

Anyway, I know parents can’t indoctrinate their kids too much into their tastes since it will backfire. But it’s fun to expose kids to things you enjoy and hope they rub off.

Taxing

Every time there’s some kind of big Mega Millions or Powerball jackpot or whatever, you see articles about how much you’ll pay in taxes and there’s this low-level outrage about “Uncle Sam taking a big bite out in taxes” and would-be billionaires become Patrick Henry waving a Gadsden flag and getting indignant about paying taxes they’d never even feel on an unfathomable amount of money that they did nothing to earn.

Consider this: If you actually win that $1.6 billion by yourself, “After the 24 percent federal take, the average annuity payment comes out to $40,533,333 per year for 30 years equaling around $1,215,999,990, while the lump sum total comes out to $687,724,000, per USA Mega.”

So after taxes, you’d still get a lump sum of $687 million. Yet it still seems like there’s this weird undercurrent of “What a ripoff! You’re paying so much in taxes! And then state taxes: UGH!” Even if you take the annuity and do the bare minimum, parking it in a savings account and never touching the principal, at 1 percent interest, you’d still get $405,000 a year to live on. Isn’t that enough? Even if my math is off (likely), you still have so much money that it wouldn’t matter. It’s a rounding error. It’s one fewer fainting couch on your yacht.

I realize potential lottery winners complaining about taxes are doing it in a tongue in cheek way, but that’s also the vein in which I’m writing this. I love money but seriously, why shouldn’t Mega Millions winners have to pay taxes? It’s not like “Uncle Sam took my hard-earned money!” You didn’t earn anything. You went to the gas station, recited some numbers and they picked your numbers out of a hat. Just pay your taxes. Life is rough.

Recently I read someone who believes the people are better at spending their own money than the government. I disagree. Have you met people? Most of us are not good at spending what we have. Any brief glance at the history of lottery winners spending their cash will prove that. So many people do dumb things and piss it all away.

People not spending their money wisely is pretty much why the state has lotteries to begin with. Buying a few tickets every month is harmless fun, and I’m not trying to make fun of that, but there was some guy on the news this morning who spent $1,500 on tickets. There are people who spend those mass amounts all the time and that’s a pretty good argument in favor of a progressive tax system for winners.

The irony of lottery players complaining about paying taxes and having Them give your money to other people is that’s basically what the Mega Millions is, only you’re doing it voluntarily. That $1,500 in tickets is going right to someone else.

Or maybe I’m just a humorless crank whose dreams are boring and practical. I’m fun at parties, I swear.

Purest Ray of Celestial Light (D)

In one month, Americans will have their say at the polls. I’d like to announce that in this election and every subsequent election, I will only vote for the purest ray of light celestial on the ballot.

This ray of light must shine without a flaw. Its light must be consistently brilliant, having never faded, even for a moment, through the years. This ray of light must inspire me and must earn my vote. The light must save us all.

More importantly, the celestial light’s ideology must be in complete harmony with every aspect of my belief system. The light wants a $17 minimum wage instead of the $21 I want? Go to hell! The light advocates Medicare for all but makes people sign up for it? Impure! The light once gave a speech and got a check? Corporate fascist!

The pure light must be in complete communion with my soul and perfectly dovetail with who I am as a person, so I may retain my unblemished halo. The light and I must trill in perfect harmony like the tintinnabulation that so voluminously swells from the ringing and the dinging of the bells. Then, and only then, will I pull that lever.

I will dip my litmus strip into this light and if it doesn’t come up with the most flawlessly beautiful color that is possible in the visible spectrum, I will reject it like expired milk. The light will be dead to me.

Also, I better get an “I Voted” sticker. I don’t do anything without getting a tangible prize.

And if I don’t see a pure enough ray of light to vote for either in the midterms or in 2020, I’ll just stay home and let the other side win, so we all learn a lesson. I can always go to the protest later. #Resistance