Really makes you think

Sometimes wisdom can come from the strangest places, like a crypto commercial about Ukraine that aired during the Oscars. It really was a revelation about what the Ukrainian people have been going through during the brutal invasion by Russia, and what they really need.

 

You see, things like batteries and shelter and hope—things American consider the basics—have now become essential in Ukraine. As the commercial’s profound tagline said, “In Ukraine, the basics are now the essentials.”

 

This was an insight and a shift in perspective that devastated me. Here we are in America, taking shelter and food for granted as something basic, while the war-torn people in Kyiv and Lviv see shelter and food as something entirely different: Essential. My dictionary defines “basic” as “a fundamental element or entity.” Meanwhile, three letters—and several time zones—away, “essential” is “indispensable; necessary.” The two terms couldn’t be more different.

 

It's more than just a dictionary denotation; these words have different connotations as well. If I were at a vacation house and someone offered to go to the store for basics like food, I would think, “What fun we’re in for this week!” But if someone at the vacation house offered to buy some essentials, I would think, “War is hell.”

 

Just—what a brilliant fucking insight: “In Ukraine, the basics are now the essentials.”

 

“Moisture is the essence of wetness.”

 

“I believe that children are the future.”

 

See, this crypto company gets it. I picture a Zoom call with company executives and highly literate ad people looking at this tagline and gasping softly in recognition of the world situation. Sure, they could have said “The basics are now luxuries” or something but that wouldn’t capture it as well as the stunning contrast between basics and essentials.

 

Really makes you think.

Christmas Morning for Hot Takes

You know how after major sport championships or award shows or season finales, publications will do these “winners and losers” lists from said event? There were plenty of these lists after the Oscars but if any of these lists are honest, they’ll list in the “winner” category any entertainment writer, because that Will Smith–Chris Rock slapfest was a content bonanza for anyone who has a hot take in them.

 

At the highbrow end, the slap signaled guaranteed content for any writer on Substack who knows the term “toxic masculinity” to write 3,000-word thinkpieces on what was basically a televised bar fight. Possible thesis titles include:

• “More Alike Than Different: How Toxic Masculinity Unites Will Smith and Vladimir Putin”

• “Stand-Up Comedy’s Relationship With Health and Disability”

• “The Rorschach Slap: How Your Reaction to the Oscars Fight Defines You as a Person”

• “Everybody’s PTSD: How to Insert Yourself in Someone Else’s Drama and Make It All About You”

• “What We Talk About When We Talk About Chris Rock Making a Joke About Jada Pinkett-Smith’s Alopecia and Then Will Smith Punching Chris Rock”

These pieces make many of the same points over and over again with subtle variations, like a slight color adjustment in Photoshop. Each piece is a great way to fill editorial space. Each writer believes his piece is the defining one.

 

At the middlebrow end, you’ll have Jezebel or some other godforsaken website lecturing us that if we haven’t denounced Will Smith yet on social media, it means we tolerate all forms of violence. Or they’ll go Zapruder on Jada and Will’s facial expressions after the joke. Or they’ll do a thorough forensic analysis of Smith’s apology, breaking out the electron microscope to see if an apology that’s not meant for them expresses the proper contrition down to the atomic level.

 

At the lowbrow end, the slap gave writers the easiest, laziest possible way to fill content: Grab a bunch of Twitter reactions from celebrities and paste them into your content management system. These range from pithy, witty comments to deadly serious Gandhi-level denunciations of violence. Ooh, what did Chrissy Teigen say?! Then add a little of your own commentary, and you’ve got yourself an article, and some clicks.

 

Yesterday was Christmas morning for writers in this vein. It was probably the biggest content cornucopia since The Dress. The beauty of something like The Slap is, no take can be too hot, no opinion can be too far out of proportion to the event, and nobody can yammer too much about it. The mill needs its grist.