I hope putting 'Quiet Qutting' in this headline will increase my SEO

Hey, have you heard about the exciting new trend in the world of work? It’s brand new! Are you ready?

 

It’s called “Quiet Quitting,” a term whose very name evokes an exotic world that the masses are about to explore, thanks to a young freelance writer who identified this brand new trend with a gimlet eye. Quiet quitting refers to the—again, only recently identified—phenomenon of not giving 110% at work. It’s the phenomenon that some employees just do the bare minimum at work. Get it? They’re not actually quitting but they’re doing just enough to keep themselves employed.

 

… wait a minute. So “Quiet Quitting” is basically just … work? Where you go in, perform the tasks you’re asked to perform, leave after eight hours, and await your paycheck? Which billions of people do and have been doing since time immemorial? This is the big trend we’ve just identified?

 

This is so, so stupid. Some writer comes up with a catchy, alliterative name for a common phenomenon—one that’s actually so common that nobody ever felt a need to name it—and the initial trend piece births dozens of other trend pieces? And suddenly we’re all reading about this common aspect of the human condition like it’s something beyond conception that’s just now being explored, like a white dwarf star at the center of the universe? And then everybody needs to publish something about this trend to boost their publication’s SEO?

 

You’re not even quitting quietly. Doing so would mean resigning and not making a big public spectacle. You’re still employed but just not killing yourself at it, which people have been doing since the invention of labor. It’s just so stupid.

 

I know I’m sounding “OK, Boomer” here but coining the term “Quiet Quitting” is like when each generation thinks they invented sex just because they recently tried it for the first time. Meanwhile, the rest of us have at least heard of what these wide-eyed kids are doing.

 

Since COVID and the upheaval about working from home and the Great Resignation, there has been so much discussion about labor and the presumptions related to that. And I just want to ask, what do people think work is? You go in. You do your tasks and meet your deadlines. You go home. You use your paycheck to build the life you want. You hope you have enough money to retire comfortably at the end. I think it’s actually a healthy way to live.

 

I mean, what do people think life is? 

Things to Remember 2022

So that’s it for 2022. Here is a comprehensive synopsis:

 

Watching the huge orange harvest moon rise over the bay

 

Joe Biden sailing by on the SS Slut

 

Playing our umpteenth game of Setback together

 

A huge thunderstorm and hail in the middle of the night

 

Sex Work is Work (aka Shore Whore) from “Fuck the Pain Away” to “Computer Blue”

 

Penne? Uh! Good God, y’all! What is it good for? Absolutely nothing! Say it again!

 

Takeout and messed-up sandwiches

 

Sunbathing on the dock

 

Riverdance Bootcamp

 

I GET SO EMOTIONAL!

 

Thanksgiving dinner in September

 

Seagulls (that aren’t real) fighting for space on the dock

 

Potato salad smoothies

 

Air Force One flying over the bay

 

Turtle sculpting at Indian River

 

The Kiss cover band serenading us from Dewey

 

Smoked salmon for breakfast

 

Getting Jepped!

 

Copious box wine

 

Mouthfeel

 

Secret Service Submarine

 

Funky Breakfast… Breakfast of Funk

 

US Open

 

Taco Night

 

Pistachio Lush

 

Successful Butt Porkin’

 

The Valentino Deedling Wildlife Preserve

 

Food Poisoning Casserole

 

80’s Playlist

 

You Can Do MAGIC! (DEET DEE DEE…..)

 

The General Store

 

Monday night lightning show over the bay

 

Hanging out all night on the porch with your friends for the 27^th year in a row

 

Let’s do it again next year!

 

 

 

Too Soon?

In Westminster Abbey, King Charles III is giving the first speech of his reign before the Accession Council.

 

King Charles III: … Therefore, garlic shall be reinstated on the Official Menus of State at all royal functions. I am also ordering all the swans in His Majesty’s realm to be painted chartreuse.

 

Chancellor of the Exchequer: Bloody hell, guv’nah! Not the swans!

 

King Charles III: Also, the Crown shall change the official spellings of the words “color,” “rigor” and “humor.” These shall be spelled without a “U.”

 

Lord Simon Mungington-Hapsburg: But that “U” defines us as a country!

 

Baron Huw FitzHugh: Crikey! That’s a bridge too far, it is!

 

King Charles III: Finally, I am changing the pronunciation of the words “aluminum” and controversy.” They shall be pronounced as “ah-LOO-min-num” instead of “ah-loo-MIN-i-um” and “CON-tro-ver-sy” instead of “con-TRO-ver-sy.” Say them with me now: “Ah-LOO-min-num CON-tro-ver-sy.”

 

Nigel Plantagenet, the Fifth Earl Kensington-on-Tyne: Oi! Who died and made you king?!

 

The sky immediately darkens and thunder booms. A vision of an angry Queen Elizabeth II appears before the Accession Council.

 

Queen Elizabeth II: I did!

 

Her eyes flash red and lightning strikes in their midst. The Council scatters and Charles smirks.

Passive-Aggressive Renovation Revenge

You ever watch Renovation Island? It’s completely ridiculous. This insanely wealthy couple, Bryan and Sarah Baeumler, is renovating and running a resort in the Caribbean. This season, they’ve moved from Canada to Florida and—hoo boy.

 

I don’t like the way he talks to her. Bryan just seems very condescending, and their arguments shade a little too far for me into uncomfortable territory. It just seems like he’s barely holding himself back from saying something so nasty they can’t come back from it. Sarah laughs a lot of that off, but it seems sometimes she’s trying to push away something deeper. I realize a lot of this is scripted and edited but it’s amusing to speculate on all this while I’m reading a book and half-watching the show on Sunday nights. (I’ve never watched reality TV, unless you count the HGTV shows.)

 

Anyway, a few weeks ago, Sarah surprised Bryan with the massive office space she bought. It was an empty shell that would need extensive renovations and Bryan, not unreasonably, told his wife he really didn’t want to spend his nights and weekends renovating the office space while still having to look after the island complex. Sarah did need an office space, since her office at the rental space wasn’t cutting it, but why she didn’t just rent an office that was already finished, I don’t know.

 

Bryan seems reasonable here but at the same time, he’s overseeing construction on a hangar to house his airplane. Must be nice to be able to afford a huge office space, incredibly expensive renovations on your home, a rental home while you renovate, renovations on your island resort, and a hangar for your airplane. So they’re both kind of insane. Then Sarah decides to up the budget on their home renovations to like $150,000, and when Bryan says she didn’t tell him, she does this “oops!” eyeroll, like someone who came home from the mall with a new coat. Again, must be nice. We just had our landscaping redone on our front lawn and it cost not even a fraction of what they spent, and I’m still feeling anxious about the cost of a crepe myrtle.

 

They should just call this show Passive-Aggressive Renovation Revenge because it’s so tit-for-tat.

 

It got worse. A few weeks ago, Bryan surprised Sara by buying a huge RV. It’s always a recipe for a great marriage when you don’t tell your spouse about six-figure purchases. Not only that, but he had to go to Winnipeg to pick the thing up, then drive the RV back to Florida. He was leaving imminently and it would take a few days. Sarah could watch their four kids and oversee all the construction when he was gone.

 

You know what, I would have had a process server track his ass down in that RV and serve him with divorce papers. Leave me with the kids with no warning while you journey cross-country to find yourself, and come home saying you really needed that time to decompress? You can leave that RV running in the driveway while you pick up the clothes I left on the front lawn. I would not want to be in that marriage.

 

Plus, Bryan’s assistant (I don’t know his name so I’ll call him Doug since they’re all Canadian) is totally in love with Bryan. A few weeks ago, he was thrilled when Sarah was off the island and the two of them could spend a day doing projects like repairing the resort’s sign, or go fishing or have a drink by the pool. Then Doug asks about skinnydipping in their pool, and takes his suit off when it’s just the two of them. And he’s happy to volunteer to help Bryan renovate for a few more weeks. Don’t go chasing that waterfall, Doug—Bryan’s a jerk.