I'm tired of hearing about bacon

I just am tired of reading articles and online comments about how amazing bacon is. I’m tired of recipes that involve combining something odd with bacon. I’m just sick of hearing about it. I get it: Bacon: Woo hoo.

The study last week that said too much red meat and processed meat was harmful for you made me realize that I rarely eat bacon. I’ll eat it for breakfast on vacation and on special occasions, like Christmas and my birthday. Sometimes it might be in the food I eat when we go out to dinner (which is infrequent). But I would never just buy a pound of bacon and plow through it. When I do get bacon, I have to divvy it into portions and freeze it or it would go bad because I don’t eat it much. People seem to like my bacon wraps at parties but I hope nobody thinks I eat like that at home on a regular basis. I could live without bacon.

So with all the online distress about too many servings of bacon being bad for you and people screaming “You can pry my bacon from my cold, dead hands,” I’m unfazed because I just don’t eat it much. I’m pretty much in the clear for the rest of the results of that study. I only eat red meat a few times a month. Sometimes I’ll go a week without eating red meat and the study said something about three or more servings a week being dangerous so I think I’m OK.

There have been studies that say processed meat is bad for you but that’s not much of a problem for me. I will eat sausage a few times a month and the odd pepperoni on crackers at parties or wherever but that’s basically it. I really don’t like lunchmeat and will only eat it if there’s no other option (I am that odd person who does not care for hoagies). Hot dogs are disgusting to me — like, disgusting. I was that kid in school who would bring his own lunch on hot dog day and I still remember on The Simpsons when the bird, the shoe and the worm congealed into a hot dog. I like scrapple but have it like once every three years because it’s just not realistic to make it a staple in your diet.

Still, once in awhile, I indulge in some pure crap. I went to Wendy’s a few weeks ago for lunch because I was working from home and there was nothing good in the house and I wanted something cheap. I had a bacon burger and it was delicious (once I scraped off the ketchup). It’s very rare for me to eat fast food so I’m not getting the red meats there. (Incidentally, I was upstairs the other night and heard Steve scream in horror at the TV because of the Burger King St. Patrick’s Day food, which was fries with green ketchup. The thought of ketchup is enough to put me off food but green ketchup? Let’s just say I’m glad I didn’t see the commercial.)

What I do eat is a shit-ton of chicken. Let’s just hope there is never a study saying chicken is unhealthy or I will be forced to re-evaluate my life.