Thoughts About Celebrities

Is it my imagination or is Tim Burton basically doing the same goddamn thing over and over again with Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham-Carter?

Hey, another remake of a classic fairytale, children’s story or pop culture curiosity! Look, a monochromatic palette! And there’s Johnny Depp in pancake makeup playing a misunderstood man-child! But where’s Helena Bonham-Carter? Oh, there she is! With crazy hair! And don’t you just love the forced atmosphere of Gothic horror/Victorian whimsy?

I mean, don’t you just love it over and over and over and over and over and over and over again?

In the last couple of years, this trio has done nothing original. It’s Charlie and the Chocolate Factory followed by Sweeney Todd followed by Alice in Wonderland followed by Dark Shadows and I haven’t cared since God knows when. Burton, Depp and Bonham-Carter are like members of some obnoxious theater clique who keep casting each other in everything.

Speaking of celebrities, who the fuck is Kendra and why is she on top and why would I want to watch a reality show of this person? I’m too disinterested to Google her but I do want to know why she’s in ads that letterbox the We channel while we’re trying to watch The Golden Girls. The commercials feature Hugh Hefner so can I infer she’s some kind of porn star?

This is why I have no interest in most reality TV. I do see the appeal of shows like American Idol or Dancing With the Stars since they require some talent and people are actually doing something. But if a show is just a glimpse into some celebrity’s life, I couldn’t be less interested. I’d rather clean my bathroom because I find the soap scum more engaging.

Taylor Swift sounds like an immature person, even for her young age. I’ve heard she wrote a song called “Mean” about some critic who criticized (which is his job) her live performance. It just sounds like a childish whine to say, “You’re meeeaaan” to someone who notes that you were off-key because it’s a legitimate point about a singer. Cope with criticism like an adult instead of crying about it because if you can’t, the entertainment industry will destroy you. Swift just sounds as if she’s still in eighth grade, writing vengeful songs in her notebook about the people who wrong her, and barely veiling anything. It’s embarrassing.

I hope nobody tries to conflate the criticism of a pop star with bullying because bullying is when a powerful person attacks a powerless person and Taylor Swift is far from powerless, as evidenced by the huge platform she has to express herself. Actual bullying is a problem but I would hope everyone with a grievance doesn’t crumple to the floor and cry “bullying” just because someone is critical of them. As one critic said, “Instead of actually doing something to improve on her inability to find or hold pitch consistently, Swift has simply written a song about how it's 'mean' for people to point out that problem." If anything, Swift is bullying the critic by writing a song about his legitimate complaints.

My God, Taylor, take off your crown of thorns and quit moaning.