Oh, I really wish you wouldn't

Hey, could you do me a favor? Please don’t use the phrase “off of.” It’s always just “off,” as in, “Come off it, Brian.” Saying “off of” really sets my teeth on edge so I’d appreciate it if you would stop doing it.

And while you’re at it, would you be so kind as to use the subjunctive mood correctly? It’s always “if I were” and never “if I was.” Likewise, you really should say “I wish I were” rather than “I wish I was.” This is a minor quibble but it does bother me so be a pal and please try to be more aware. Thanks so much.

I hate to be a pest about it but could you please be aware of your run-on sentences? A number of times, I’ve seen you string together several thoughts with commas. If I might make a suggestion, you’d be better off making these disparate thoughts into separate sentences. If you’re cognizant of how to use a semicolon properly, you could also take advantage of that mark of punctuation. That would be great.

Once again, just as a friendly reminder, the writer or speaker implies; the reader or listener infers. For example, you can infer that I am implying that you do not use these words correctly. If you would kindly keep them straight, it would be a huge help.

Also, permit me to point out that “loose” is an adjective while “lose” is a verb. Furthermore, the past tense of “lead” is spelled “led,” not “lead.” Just thought I’d throw that out there.

Let me also just point out that sometimes one should use “me” instead of “I.” One should say “between her and me” rather than “between she and I.” It’s counterintuitive since we perceive that the use of “I” is somehow more correct or smarter-sounding but it can make one seem less educated if one misuses first person pronouns. Forgive me if I seem pedantic.

You might also want to lay off the passive voice. Your writing will carry much more force and be less stilted if you use the active voice. But that’s just my opinion.

Finally, let’s have a quick review. “They’re” is a contraction of “they are.” “Their” is possessive. “There” denotes a place. If you could keep these straight, I’d be eternally grateful. You’d be surprised how many people confuse these three homonyms.

Thanks in advance.