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The red equal signs starting popping up all at once in my Facebook feed as the Supreme Court was starting to hear oral arguments on Proposition 8. It was moving and heartening to see something like that, especially as Steve and I are working out the details for the big nuptials next month. It was like a tide of support.

It’s breathtaking to see how much things have changed as far as gay marriage. When Steve and I met, I never even thought we’d have the option of marrying and now it is a real possibility as every day, some new politician or group or citizen seems to support marriage equality. It’s almost happening too fast to absorb.

So I am very lucky to know so many people whose Facebook profiles turned red all at once this week. I will be lucky next month to see so many friendly faces in the crowd as Steve and I exchange vows. I know how blessed we are.

I’m usually cynical about movements on Facebook to “repost this if you care about this issue” because people certainly can care about something without taking a screen shot of an equal symbol. But the ruddy color of my feed struck me more than I thought it would. Maybe it’s the starkness of the image or the fact that I caught it right as a ton of people changed their profile photos.

Even Budweiser had its own version of the equal sign. Budweiser. I know they’re just trying to sell beer but the fact that the gays are another group for companies to market to is a kind of progress.

I read an article that it’s useless to change your profile picture because if you want to effect a change in gay marriage, you should donate to Human Rights Campaign or march on Washington. As I said, ordinarily, I’m cynical about doing these symbolic gestures but something like this can give hope to people. If you’re struggling with a disease or a problem, it can buoy your spirit to know somebody has your back. Not everybody has money to donate or the time to march for any cause and little gestures still have value.

The equal sign was a symbol but symbols definitely have their power. Half of what will happen at our civil union will be symbolic but all of it will be freighted with meaning. The rings, the handfasting, the first dance — these are not practically necessary but they are necessary where the human heart is concerned. So I disagree that changing a profile picture is useless.

It was just nice to see those equal signs, is all.

My God, my God, why have you forsaken us?

When I awoke this morning and saw the wintry hellscape outside my window, I thought for a moment I were still asleep and trapped in some Kafkaesque nightmare.

It is not supposed to snow this late in March. It is simply not supposed to happen. I actually wasn’t sure it could happen. In fact, it is unprecedented that we are getting this weather at this time of year. Despite the fact that we got almost no snow all winter, today’s snowfall will make me regard this winter as one of the worst in recent memory.

The spring snow may quickly turn to slush and melt. But how long will our memories of this cursed weather remain? That is a question that not even the weather people on Action News can answer.

It is spring and I expect the weather to fall in line immediately. There should be no grace period during which the atmosphere is in transition. Once the vernal equinox hits, the weather is to be all sweetness and light. It should be balmy breezes and chickadees and pastels. Once a season begins, the door to the last season must slam shut for the next nine months.

Have you ever witnessed the change of seasons at the moment of the autumnal equinox? It is quite breathtaking in its abruptness. Last year, I was driving home at the precise moment that fall arrived. All of the sudden, the leaves all turned from summery green to a deep red, as if someone had set them on fire. The temperature dropped 20 degrees and the air was filled with the inexplicable smell of burning leaves. I had a distinct craving for pumpkin pie and sweaters, despite the fact that earlier that morning, it looked like summer was still in full swing.

There is that timeworn saying that “March comes in like a lion and goes out like a lamb.” Is that just some trite nursery rhyme with no real basis in reality? If so, I don’t know what to believe anymore.

As I turn my eyes to the winter skies, I cry, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken us?”

The Diet

I am trying to be healthier in general so I’m giving up gluten and sugar and salt and fat and alcohol and complex carbohydrates and dairy and protein and vegetables and fruit and oil and fish and red meat and white meat and lunchmeat and processed foods and wheat and beer and chocolate and soy and wine and white bread and wheat bread and rye bread and cake and pie and eggs and cheese and pasta and butter and cereal and soda and coffee and pizza and simple carbohydrates and condiments and honey and spices and tea and canned foods and soup and mushrooms and cheddar cheese and mustard and bacon and oranges and apples and chicken and sorbet and bagels and rice and potatoes and capers and onions and curry and scotch and baking powder and baking soda and salmon and mayo and black pepper and orange juice and artificial sweetener and gravy and lettuce and carrots and bananas and vanilla extract and iced tea and popcorn and peanuts and grapes and cotton candy and hummus and rosemary and pancakes and pretzels and ice cream and thyme and corn and hazelnut and sherbet and spinach and crackers and mozzarella cheese and sour cream and sausage and milk and rice cakes and waffles and apple juice and ginger ale and garlic and caramel and kale and lemons and butterscotch and cumin and rum and maple syrup and broccoli and celery.

Let me know if I missed anything.

Don't Rape Anybody

When I saw the high school kid in Steubenville, Ohio, crying after his conviction for raping that girl and being comforted by someone in the courtroom, I thought, “Eh, let him cry. He’s a convicted rapist.”

Oh, but I guess I stand corrected because several anchors on CNN informed the nation that we are to care about how the two boys will be sex offenders and isn’t it sad that their bright futures are coming to an end and oh God pass me a tissue while I cry buckets full of compassion. Yes, it’s sad in a general sense because these people have ruined their lives, but I also don’t care about them.

You know why I don’t care about what happens to these kids? Because they raped a girl and got convicted. They fucked up their own lives and now they’re paying the price and I can’t muster a shit to give about their futures. They should have thought of that before they raped someone.

They are only teenagers, yes. But you know what I knew at age 16 or 17? That rape is wrong. You don’t need a high school diploma to understand that and I refuse to use youth as an excuse for doing something inexcusable. Rape is bad enough but it is even more wrong to rape an unconscious girl and record it and parade her around at parties.

You know who I do feel bad for? The girl who got raped. Because she got raped. I’ve never been sexually assaulted so I don’t know how one would feel afterwards but I’m sure the answer is “awful” and I’m sure that rape would follow you around for some time. So while everyone is crying for these criminals that this conviction will haunt them for some time, let’s think about the girl whose assault will probably haunt her for some time, particularly since she was raped in such a publically humiliating fashion.

I cannot for the life of me understand the thought process where some knuckle-draggers would blame this girl for what happened to her. Even if you have the misguided belief that she “deserved” it because of how she behaved, what kind of behavior would warrant a punishment like that? Are you so heartless to believe that the penalty for a teenage girl getting drunk is to get raped while people watch? Some people must see women as pieces of meat.

I also have heard that people were angry at this girl for making the high school football program look bad. If that’s what your concern is, you need to take a look in the mirror and re-evaluate some things because you are a deeply fucked-up individual. There is evidence that the football coach knew about the rape and the kids knew he would protect them. If it’s true, it’s unconscionable.

The other thing that kills me is that the judge was giving warnings for young people on the use of social media because people posted the rape on Twitter or whatever. After the guilty verdict, some reporter was asking, “Is social media the problem?” No, moron, when someone gets raped, rape is the problem. That girl would have been just as sexually assaulted if nobody recorded it. Just because you don’t post it on Facebook, that doesn’t mean it didn’t happen.

The one rapist who was crying was apologizing but his choice of words to the girl was “I never should have recorded that.” As an editor, I might offer a correction. He should have said, “I never should have raped you.” 

So if you want to give teens advice on staying out of trouble, rather than saying “Don’t record yourself raping anybody,” lesson one should be “Don’t rape anybody.”

Francis

From what I’ve been reading over just the last two days, I think the Catholic Church is getting a mixed bag with the new pope.

On the plus side is Francis’ commitment to the poor. This is work that I think is paramount for the church. It’s earthly work that puts religious teachings into action. Without doing corporal works of mercy, what’s the point of having the church? A religion is more than just a collection of dogma and ritual and the work with the poor would confirm that.

We need such an emphasis, especially today with the gap between rich and poor widening. We need ministry to the poor in the face of Catholics like Rep. Paul Ryan, who has his faith backwards and seems to believe that economic justice would entail cutting taxes for the rich. Everyone, regardless of their religion or lack thereof, should care more about the people on the ladder rungs below them than those above them.

I was sort of moved when I heard of the name Pope Francis chose. To me, St. Francis of Assisi evokes ideas of peace, calm and simple kindness to humans and animals and I think it’s a powerful symbol that the pope chose that name (and it’s hard to believe there has not been another Pope Francis in 2,000 years). If it means anything, he looked friendly and humble on that balcony. It will be change from Benedict, who looked like death in a robe.

On the other side, this pope seems very conservative on issues like abortion, women, contraception, gays, etc. But honestly, who did we think we would get as pope, some 20-something firebrand liberal? When I heard about the pontiff’s commitment to the poor, it reminded me of those nuns who got chastised by the Vatican because they said social justice was more important than taking a position on social issues like gay marriage. Maybe Pope Francis will take a similar tack.

Yes, there is the issue of gay marriage and as a cardinal, the new pope denounced it in Argentina in harsh terms. But I don’t think what any pope believes on gay marriage will make any difference because societies are changing without any deference to the church. Francis had demonized same-sex marriage in his country but the point is, it didn’t matter. The Argentines ignored him and approved of marriage anyway. Gay marriage is becoming legal in countries, many of which are Catholic, throughout the world. So I won’t get too wrapped up in what Cardinal Bergoglio said about it because things are progressing with or without asking his permission.

Gay marriage is legal in more states than I ever would have thought possible even a few years ago. Next month Steve and I will seal our commitment before our family and friends and when we met, I didn’t think that would ever happen in America. So institutions can change, sometimes at a breathtaking pace. Maybe the pope’s mind can change, too.

We’ve shopped for rings, gotten fitted in tuxes and made all sorts of arrangements and nobody gave us any dirty looks. We had a dance lesson the other night and none of the other couples at the dance studio batted an eyelash at the idea of two men dancing together. That’s remarkable when you consider what the world was like a decade or two ago. 

I know I am very lucky that things are so good for me and I will always be grateful because some gay people really are in dire straits. But no matter what any pope says about this one issue close to my heart, I can’t envision us exchanging vows on the beach and hold any despair. Things have gotten better and I have faith that they will continue to get better.

Is there any way for me to opt out of Taylor Swift?

I have no interest in hearing the music of Taylor Swift, getting any details on her personal life, or hearing any commentary on her music or personal life. There must be some kind of app or filter that will keep this person out of my life. I do not actively seek out Swift but there will be times when I cannot avoid hearing her music or seeing gossip about her pop up online. I wish to opt out of this experience entirely and I wish modern science would invent a way for me to do so. I have extreme apathy, bordering on antipathy, about listening to one note or one syllable of Swift’s music. A song that I think is called “Love Story” will sometimes be playing on the radio when my alarm goes off and I begin to resent even those scant minutes I endure until I rouse myself to shut off the alarm and her voice. The song is tolerable until she compares her boyfriend and herself to Romeo and Juliet respectively, seemingly unaware that those characters died for reasons that are not so much romantic as tragic and stupid. I heard “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together” and despite its critical plaudits, found it annoying and boring to the point where I was ready to fall unconscious during the first chorus. I just … I don’t get it. From what I read, Taylor Swift seems very immature and petty, not so much for writing songs about breakups but writing songs about anyone who pisses her off, like Kanye West or the critic who said she was off key during a performance. Swift is a person who overreacted to harmless jokes that Tina Fey and Amy Poehler made about her and implied that those women belonged in a special place in hell. I have no interest in an entertainer that hilariously thin-skinned. Her music has nothing to say to me and I want nothing to do with it. I also have absolutely no desire to know any more about who this woman is dating. I was reading some gossip about her love life and I just thought, “What am I doing here? Why am I reading this? Why do I care?” And I looked quizzically at the heavens and had one of those moments where you just question how you got to that point and where your life is heading. To an extent, I have wasted part of my life in reading about this person. It can be fun to read celebrity gossip when you’re bored but I have to admit that who this singer dates just does not impact my life and does not at all arouse my curiosity at all. I couldn’t be less interested in whether she dates John Mayer, Jake Gyllenhaal, that guy from the boy band or whatever Kennedy descendant. I don’t care if they break up and I won’t listen to a song about it. I don’t care about her life or what happens to her. She’s just … some person, you know? I care about her as much as I could care about any of the 10,000 faceless extras in a Cecil B. DeMille epic. Most of all, I turn a profoundly disinterested eye toward any commentary on What Taylor Swift Signifies About Feminism or whatever faux-intellectual subject people write about the singer. I will not be grading your doctoral dissertation and have no power to confer a degree so please save me the trouble of having to read your in-depth analysis of a pop singer. I know you will say the solution is “Then don’t read anything about her or listen to her music” but it’s not that easy to avoid a celebrity completely when her image is so pervasive. That’s why I wish there were a solution for me to opt out of experiencing her on any level. Maybe when a song comes on the radio, some technological advance could instead let me hear a song I actually care about. Maybe when I’m on a website and see an item about Swift, science would enable me to see a pretty painting or a recipe for chocolate cake. I just wish modern science would advance to the point where this would be possible. I just want Taylor Swift to leave me alone. 

I had the most déjà vu dream

I dreamed I was back at my first apartment. If you think you’ve read about a similar dream before, you’re probably right. I have constant dreams that I’m either visiting or moving back to that old apartment. The dreams are so frequent that it’s rare to have a night without them.

In the latest dream, the old apartment had this passage beyond that tiny kitchen that opened into a large back room with all sorts of restaurant tables. I said, “I never knew what to do with this room when I lived here.” It’s a common theme that the place will be far bigger than when I lived there. It’s also common for me to feel upset that we moved out of our house and I am no longer living with Steve. The kitchen cabinets were full of all these old Christmas decorations that I wanted to move to find room for more dishes and glasses.

The same night I dreamed that I was at that apartment but it was different than in the first dream. Someone else had moved there and we were looking through the window. They had knocked down the bedroom walls so the whole apartment was one big space and the bed was in the middle. The person who lived there had all my old things. Some of our towels were his bed sheets.

The thing that upset me was that I looked out the window and most of the neighboring houses were gone. They’d had some sort of flood and demolished all the houses so there were these empty fields and lakes all around. Three women were standing on the sidewalk asking people to give them their old clothes so they could make money by sewing them. I got the impression the people that remained in the neighborhood were barely surviving.

I have no idea what this means that I dream about the old apartment so much. It’s not something I think about all the time. It was a crappy apartment but I did have some good times there. That doesn’t mean I want to live there again.

Furlough Congress

Our government has completely failed us in negotiating a solution to the sequestration financial crisis. I say we furlough Congress.

Why should federal employees be the only ones who lose income? They will lose 20 percent of their paychecks for 22 weeks, which makes me rage. This is not some abstract problem that causes long lines at the airport or a closed national park, which are inconvenient but which people will get over. This is something that will hurt actual working people in this country and that is deeply shameful.

Let’s remove the legal roadblocks and let our legislative branch take a similar economic hit because I can guarantee they would all stop this pathetic posing and find a solution ASAP. Maybe they’d end their latest recess and sit down like adults and talk. I just don’t think most in Congress care all that much unless this problem affects their own bottom line.

We might as well cut Congress’ pay because they have abjectly failed the citizens in this country. Hell, cut the president’s salary, too. Nobody seems to be engaged in an actual dialogue on this issue. It’s yet another dick measuring contest so each side can get the victory for their own party, no matter what it costs the working people.

When you make a mistake at work and your boss calls you out on it, your boss doesn’t want to hear any excuses for why you failed. The boss just wants you to fix it and show results. We are the boss of our legislators and I do not want to hear any excuses. I don’t want to hear any of them cast any blame on the other party or say, “Well, I’m trying but the guy across the aisle isn’t.” That wouldn’t fly at your office so it shouldn’t fly here. They all share the blame. Just cut the crap and fix it. Compromise. Do something.

Self-manufactured crisis or not, Congress knew this was coming. This has been brewing since August 2011 and nobody took any steps toward a common sense solution. They just put a band aid on until the next deadline came up and then the next crisis began. I feel like a parent of a high schooler who hasn’t started a project until the night before. “How long did you know you had this due?” is what my parents would have said to me.

Congress is not a competent body and their pay is uninterrupted while competent workers in this country will start to wonder how they will pay their bills for the next 22 weeks. I have no faith in our legislators. We need leadership and what we are getting instead is a bunch of preening peacocks who, on an emotional level, have never left high school. I wish we could furlough them now and start over in November 2014. Our senators and representatives have nobody but themselves to blame for their record low approval ratings. Shame, shame, shame.

CAPITALIZATION and the lack thereof

Hey, who’s up for a condescending lecture from a know-it-all writer? That’s what I thought. i will today discuss the scourge of INAPPROPRIATE CAPITALIZATION and i will also talk about the abuse of lowercase in american english.

If it’s not an acronym, do not capitalize it. This drives me to psychosis at my job. Companies all try to capitalize the names of their products so they stand out but it just looks stupid. OASIS does not stand for anything so it should just be Oasis. I always correct the capitalization. No errant uppercase letters shall pass.

Lady Gaga has also asked that journalists capitalize the name of her upcoming album, ARTPOP. I really doubt this is an acronym so it should be Artpop. I think it’s so obnoxious to capitalize something just so it will stand out and ignorant that you try to bend the rules of composition just to benefit yourself. ALL CAPS ARE ALSO HARD TO READ, JUST LIKE THIS. I BELIEVE THERE WAS A STUDY ON THIS SUBJECT. IT GIVES ME A HEADACHE. TRY READING THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE’S ALERTS AND YOU’LL SEE WHAT I MEAN. PLUS, SPELCHECK DOSEN’T WORK ON ALL CAPS SO THERE IS A GREATER RIKS OF ERRORS.

If you capitalize too much, it’s like you’re screaming at people. Why are you screaming at people? Are you trying to make enemies?!

Don’t get me started on lowercase. If you want to spell your name in small letters, fine, but if it’s the first word in a sentence, it still needs to be capitalized. k.d. lang starting off a sentence makes my teeth hurt. (This is the fault of writers and editors and not lang.) When you start a sentence with her name, either capitalize the “K” or rewrite the sentence so her name does not start it. Writers always send us articles and in the references, include people whose names start with small letters, like von Schweinhund. If it starts a sentence, you still have to capitalize the “V.”

You might say, “Oh, but it’s not supposed to be capitalized.” Well, “the” is not supposed to be capitalized normally but when it starts a sentence, it’s “The.” The (see?) lowercase spelling of someone’s name, elective or not, does not trump the basic rules of composition.

We live in a world of rules, people.