Wipe that smirk off your face

Now that my tragic facial condition, Bitchy Resting Face, is a documented medical phenomenon, I propose we add another category: Smirky Resting Face.

Smirky Resting Face is for those people who walk around with a smirk on their faces no matter what their emotional state. You’ve seen these people, just going through life like they’re barely suppressing their laughter at you or they’re amused by some kind of secret. I thought of this recently when we were watching Agents of SHIELD. I looked at the expression on Agent Coulson’s face and said, “He could wipe the smirk off his face.” 

If strangers can see my frown and tell me to smile, why can’t I see someone with that little half-smile and say, “Wipe that smirk off your face”? Who isn’t annoyed by a Smirky Resting Face? That facial expression is condescending and a little mocking. During an interview, President Clinton once told a reporter to stop smirking. I was glad he did it because the guy (I can’t think of his name) did smirk all the time and it made his face punchable.  

Well, if a president doesn’t have to put up with your smirk, I don’t see why I should.  

“Oh,” you’ll say to me, “that smirk is just their natural face. They can’t help it.” Guess what, Straw Man? I can’t help my Bitchy Resting Face, either. So if I have to get cornered at parties with people trying to correct the position of my mouth and then when I force a smile people complain that the smile looks forced, it’s only fair that we try to have an intervention for the smirkers and correct their mouths so they are frowning a little or have a non-insufferable expression.

Don’t look at me like that. You know I’m right.