Go away immediately

I’ve seen several things in fiction lately that need to go away immediately. These are all story devices that have just irritated me for one reason or another. And since you’re dying to know the latest thing to annoy me, I’m going to share them with you.

I never want to see another female character whose father gave her a boy’s name “because he wanted a boy.” This came to mind because Sandra Bullock’s character was named Ryan in Gravity. (This movie was so breathtaking and incredible that I hate, hate to nitpick anything, but here we are.)

This is just lazy shorthand for feelings of parental abandonment. Oh, dad named you Bob? I just bet you’ve spent the rest of your life trying to prove yourself to him, haven’t you? Will he ever just tell you he loves you? Can we just dump this hoary device?

The other thing that I find odd is that on TV and in movies, people who serve people with subpoenas are always so smug about it. They’ll ambush the person under a wacky subtext and say “You just got served” with a big ol’ attitude. The high-five is sometimes implied.

Dial it back. You’re just a messenger. You didn’t win this lawsuit. Are servers really that invested in serving people?

The idea of an adult prom can end, too. I was apprehensive at the beginning of Parks and Recreation’s recent prom episode (IT IS “THE PROM” AND NOT “PROM.” YOU CAN’T JUST DROP A DEFINITE ARTICLE PERMANENTLY BECAUSE JOHN HUGHES TOLD YOU TO.) because I thought it would be an adult prom but luckily, the episode turned out to be something else. I thought it would be one of these things in which the adult character laments that he or she never got to go to the prom and someone throws a heartwarming prom with dressy outfits and a big banner saying “Class of 1986” or something and everyone’s 45.

I’ll give a pass to people who never got to go to the prom because they were waylaid by multiple sclerosis or a bone marrow transplant or something. For everyone else, the idea of dressing up to go to the prom many years later is pathetic, especially over a certain age. That ship sailed. Move on from high school.

So if all the writers of the world could quit writing these types of things into fiction, I would be grateful. Maybe then I can begin to live again.