Belatedly Proud

Now that Gay Pride Month is over, I thought I’d update everyone on what I did to celebrate during the month of June.

Nothing.

At least, I did nothing in the sense of going to any official pride events or parades. Can you believe I’ve never actually been to gay pride? Should that be a source of shame for me? There’s a main reason for my absence and it has nothing to do with anything political or involving sexual orientation: If it’s a beautiful weekend in June, we’re spending it on the beach and not standing on hot asphalt at a parade. There’s a temporary reason for my absence this year because with I-495 closed, traffic is a waking nightmare in Delaware. It took us an hour and a half to get to the Phillies game last Saturday because all the traffic is diverted onto the recently renamed I-95 Delaware State Parking Lot. Most places in Pennsylvania I can get to via back roads but Philly is hard to access if you’re avoiding 95 so we’re backing away from the city for the duration.

Many gay people go to the pride festivities every year since it’s important to them and that’s cool and it sounds like fun. I just have somehow never made it. It’s not to say I’m not proud but the parades seem to be a four-alarm spectacle and that is just not me. My version of gay pride is muttering “We’re here; we’re queer, get used to it” to myself in a barely audible voice to myself in a corner at a party. Not out of shame; that’s just how I handle everything.

I am proud but most of the events that have signaled my pride have not taken place in June. Our wedding was in April and we went to the courthouse in July to make our civil union into a retroactive marriage. I did those things out of love for Steve, certainly not as anything political, but I guess you could see them as expressions of pride.

I don’t talk much about it (I don’t talk much about anything) but I do have pride in who I am. Since we’ve been married, I’ve reflected sometimes on how important it is to give gay couples who want it the right to marry. Being able to call Steve my husband has tremendous meaning for me. Our family and friends long ago accepted us and our union but being able to say we’re married removes any ambiguity. You say words like boyfriend or partner but boyfriend can range from dating or living together and partner can come off a little businesslike.

Being able to call your loved one a husband or wife signals the world that you’re in it for the long haul and it was so important to have that opportunity. I knew it would be powerful to get this designation but I didn’t anticipate how powerful it would be until it happened.

Anyway, belated Happy Gay Pride Month, Happy Canada Day, Happy Fourth of July and most of all, from the bottom of my heart, a very Happy Fiscal New Year to you and yours.