I must summon the courage to sit still amid all the
storms banging around just outside my skin. There is no shame, perhaps, in the
idle anonymity of a weeknight on the couch toggling between books I write and
books I did not. I must learn to stay here, sadly undistracted, and wait for
the future to amortize. This is all busy work.
I must accept that the split level with a pool may vanish
while income still swells but another will appear. I must accept that they are peacefully
ashes and it was nothing I did. I must hope that he is coming to us.
For too long I have been at war. Even the bathroom tiles
seem to capture more territory with every battle. Every virtual exchange with a
virtual stranger assaults me long after they forget. And I just wish for some
peace, for an end to fighting beneath my skin, for a resolution and the right
to move on.
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