Since the age of 4 ½, when I had started tracing the
alphabet, I have been slowly getting drunk, writing and typing gradually
slurring. My loops and ligatures were baroque but the meaning still pretty
clear. If my fingertips ever struck the wrong key, it was like a prodigy
playing the wrong note.
Now I lift my head and look at my work and need annotations
to decipher it. I tickle backwards and add in the letters that I missed or were
indistinct. Read it aloud like it is and they would tell me to sleep it off.
My mind was so clear once. I could put a date on any obscure
anecdote. Now mind and writing gradually diffuse like a thundercloud bursting
overhead. I cannot recall what I once set down. Is the handwriting and print a
harbinger of what will happen to my mind right before the binge takes my
consciousness?
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