Why does the Internet break so often?

For something so ubiquitous and powerful in our world, the Internet sure does seem fragile.

Beyonce is the latest person to break the Internet with her flower-and-veil tableau announcing her pregnancy. Truly it broke the Internet and stopped the world in its tracks. I don’t know about you but I will never forget the moment, or the impact on my life, when I learned a woman I will never meet is having two more children. As we know, anything momentarily noteworthy on the Internet lasts forever and never falls through the leaky sieve of memory. 

Another memorable time when the Internet broke is when Kim Kardashian pulled her skirt down and posed on the cover of a magazine with her oiled ass. Remember that? I’m sure you do because the moment is as culturally indelible as Alex from Target and the “Damn, Daniel” kids — things none of us can ever forget. The Internet was down for days because of that ass. How was I supposed to order pizza?

Then the Internet broke again when Kim’s former stepmother Caitlyn Jenner came out as transgender. The Internet was just shattered in pieces all over the floors of the offices of the bored workers of America. Nothing would ever be the same.

The Internet is constantly showing these cracks. “Have you seen this? Father and daughter break the Internet,” says one headline. I don’t know what this means but it’s unforgettable. “The return of Pendulum breaks the Internet.” It sure did, whatever Pendulum is. “Kim Woodburn’s Celebrity Big Brother antics break the Internet.” Yes, I will never forget that time when Kim Woodburn did that thing that she did.

I use the Internet a lot and it just shouldn’t be so fragile. Can’t we get someone to fix it, just go in there with a wrench or something and fix the tubes so it’s not breaking all the time?