Excuse me, I just have a question

Oh, you just have a question? That’s all you have? Well, then feel free to step right in front of me, the first person in line, and address the cashier. You don’t even need to ask my permission or look at me; just barge right in.

This line is not for questions. All the statements from those of us in line will be declarative, not interrogative, sentences. There’s no sign indicating it but people with questions get to skip ahead of everyone. It would be grossly unfair for you to have to get in line, waiting behind people who have been standing here for quite some time to make purchases. No, you go ahead. We’ll wait.

Of course, it’s never just a question, is it? It always turns into more. You ask one question and then I can see your posture sort of relax a little, as if you’re settling in for several minutes of back and forth between you and the cashier. All of which is more important than what the rest of us are doing by several orders of magnitude.

Meanwhile, I’ll just wait here, with a purchase that would have probably taken less time than the question, or series of questions, you have. It’s fine.

Granted, most people, when asked nicely, will let someone ahead of them if they say they’ll only take a second. I’m fine if people ask. But there’s no need for you to do that. You’re special and exempt from the universal social contract that indicates that when you see a line, the place for you is at the back. You have that big, brash personality that everyone loves, so nobody minds waiting while you push ahead and ignore them. You do you. YOLO. FOMO.

But if some assertive peon behind you ever corrects you, ever says, “Excuse me, I was next,” you just whirl around and glare at that person in put-upon astonishment, because to a rude person, the only thing ruder than rudeness is calling out that rudeness.