What will happen when Betty White dies?

They will break into our TV shows to tell us the news, of course. Even streaming services will somehow get the news live. “Betty White, television icon, dead at age 1??.” Tornado sirens will sound. Our iPhone XVIs will alert us, trembling and keening in electronic mourning. We will all remember where we were.

Schools will close, I imagine, with teachers too distraught to go on. Offices will probably dismiss workers early, and then close again on the day of the funeral. American flags will fly at half-staff and there will be a statement from the president, sober yet majestic. Miami will belatedly adopt “Miami, You’ve Got Style” as its official anthem. All TV stations will show only Betty White shows.

Social media will grind to a halt as civilians, celebrities and heads of state pay their respects. So many people will post the Golden Girls clip of Rose Nylund shoving a little girl out the door and grabbing her stuffed animal while saying “Sometimes life just isn’t fair, kiddo,” that this clip will become the most viewed online video in history.

Betty White will lie in state in numerous locations, her body traveling the country so mourners can pay their respects. First her coffin will be stationed on a major street in Minneapolis in honor of her time The Mary Tyler Moore Show. Then she will rest on a specially constructed artificial island in Lake Erie, marking her role in Hot in Cleveland. After that, Betty travels to the recreated set of The Match Game so mourners can gather.

They will wait in line for many hours to mourn Betty White. Rich, poor, powerful, powerless—all will wait in the same line, equalized and humbled by the experience. Their tears will start to wear away at the gold coffin.

Finally, Betty White will come to her final rest on a lanai at a house in Miami.

The ceremony will be powerful. Heads of state will praise her: the president of the United States, the prime minister of Canada, the president of China, the king of England. Everyone who ever worked on The Golden Girls will eulogize her. If they are still alive, Kirk Douglas, Olivia de Havilland and Cloris Leachman will do the readings. There will be many clips from Betty White’s decades of TV, from well-known staples like The Golden Girls to obscurities like Just Men and Life With Elizabeth.

Most of the planet’s 8.5 billion people will watch via TV, streaming and their implant devices. The crowd will overflow onto the Miami streets, unable to squeeze into the packed lanai. The New York Stock Exchange will close for the funeral. Broadway’s lights will darken. Nobody will go to work or school.

Then, the emotional closing: “Thank You for Being a Friend” will play as the planet weeps. Betty will be laid to rest amid Miami palm trees and roses, gone but immortal.