Pants for Schlubs

I read recently that the Millennials and Generation Z are starting to fight over their cultural signifiers. I don’t particularly care who comes out on top during this tempest in a teapot but there is one thing about this battle that amuses me: The fight over skinny jeans.

 

Apparently one of the generations (I guess it’s Generation Z but I’m too lazy to check because I only really care about this as a springboard for strip-mining content to fuel this sad-sack blog) does not approve of the other generation’s skinny jeans. They are fed up—fed up, I tells ya!—with their forefathers’ clingy denim. Fed up like Howard Beale. Someone made a comment about skinny jeans on TikTok or whatever the hell it is, and it was on. Many indignant responses ensued.

 

This entertains me because I’m so far removed from caring about fashion on that level. These days, you know what excites me in fashion? That I recently was at Target and finally found the correct pant size for me in their house-brand pants. So now I don’t have to try on anything. I can just find my size, pay and leave. Yay!

 

It had been distressing to see so many pants at Target labeled “skinny” or “slim.” I am neither skinny nor slim. I am an overweight middle-aged man. I just want pants for regular schlubs like myself. (I love the “Athletic” size. Just say “Fat.” You mean “Fat.”) I couldn’t care less whether it’s fashionable to wear skinny or slim jeans. I’m not going to look like hell to look fashionable, you know?

 

It’s not that I don’t care what I wear or look like. I know what colors and styles I like, as well as which fashion trends I would look awful in. I like mixing and matching and holding onto items for awhile so I try not to get too trendy. It’s just that at this stage of my life, if someone made a commercial for the types of clothes I wear, the slogan for the brand would be, “When you don’t care.”

 

The generation battle extends from pants to hairstyles. I’m also hearing that one of the generations despises the other generation’s side part. This is also hilarious to me since I’ve basically had the same hairstyle since 1988.

 

I think it’s idiocy when generations fight each other wielding the broadest paintbrushes they can find. Young people saying “OK, Boomer,” is not the devastating comeback some people think it is; it’s just glib and dimwitted. People younger than my Generation X probably blame us for not tackling or preventing some of their problems but that’s an oversimplification. On the other hand, it’s also an oversimplification when Generation X looks down their nose at Millennials and Generation Z.

 

One thing that never goes out of style is that people always blame their parents’ generation for their problems. So while Generation Z is railing at Millennials for skinny jeans or side parts, or more serious things, I hope they realize their kids will find a whole raft of problems to blame on Generation Z.

 

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to tie an onion to my belt and yell at a cloud.