I'm trying to develop Very Strong Online Opinions about the remake of 'The Little Mermaid'

There comes a time when you can’t just sit on the sidelines and be neutral about a hot-button cultural issue; when you need to stand up and opine. This becomes clearer to me as I get older. That’s why I’m making a real effort to develop some Very Strong Online Opinions about the live-action remake of The Little Mermaid.

 

I enjoyed the original when I saw it many years ago but I never really had any strong feelings about it. Well, that’s about to change dramatically. I’m going to either view the movie in worshipful terms or become disgusted with the way Disney heartlessly trashed the most beloved movie of all time.

 

I’m wondering if the stance I need to take is to absolutely detest Halle Bailey’s performance as Ariella—just on principle and before even seeing the movie. In doing my research, it seems as if this is a common viewpoint in certain circles. I’ve learned from the haters that opposing the casting of a Black woman in a role originally portrayed as white has absolutely nothing to do with racism. No, it’s actually a principled defense of the vision of creator Hans Christian Andersen, a lifelong passion that started the moment these people heard about this casting decision. After all, the original 1989 mermaid was a redheaded woman—er, drawing—so it really takes a machete to people’s souls to see this fantastical creature portrayed differently.

 

I’m sure Bailey’s performance is fine but that’s wrong of me to think. No, I either need to get into high dudgeon over it, or speak in rapturous tongues about its glories. It’s the same with Melissa McCarthy as Ursula. She’s either perfect for the role and will embody it completely, or she’s a disgrace against art and she should be run out of town on a rail. Plus, Awkwafina will either outrage or delight me. I’ll decide on all of these characters soon.

 

Beyond just the actresses, it’s important to have a position on whether or not remaking The Little Mermaid brings back fond memories or ruins my childhood. My research has found many people take the latter stance—a childhood irreparably destroyed by Disney’s decision to retain hold of its intellectual property—so I’m leaning toward that. It will be important to emphasize the tragedy of this to everyone who can hear or read me complain, since I had just begun to rebuild a childhood that was completely shattered by the remake of The Lion King.

 

Childhood, it appears, is very fragile. When it’s ruined, it happens retroactively—all those pleasant memories you had are no longer valid. When you look back, every day will be an ice cream cone dropped face-down on the asphalt. And it’s not like it’s an option to just not see a movie’s remake and be content with the original.

 

So I’m weighing how to react to all this; to find extreme passion for something I never really cared about before. I’ll let you all know, at a very loud volume, soon.