Game of Thrones S8 E2: A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms

The night before the big battle with the White Walkers, our cast members (many of whom I assume will be killed) gather at Winterfell to chat, drink, come to terms with things, have sex, reminisce and reveal their true parentage.

It was worth it just to see Brienne belatedly become Ser Brienne of Tarth, a knight of the Seven Kingdoms. Nobody has earned it more than this woman who once fought a bear and whose loyalty, once pledged, cannot be shaken. It was very moving to see her character reach this validation. Even more moving was that it was Jaime who knighted her as these two have had one of the most compelling relationships in the series. It was a nice touch earlier when Brienne vouched for Jaime to Daenerys, and Jaime pledged to serve under Brienne’s command.

It was kind of nice seeing everyone gather before the fire to drink. There were some nice touches, with Tyrion surreptitiously overserving Pod; Tormund flirting with Brienne and his weird story; Lady Mormont pledging to fight; and the quiet gathering of Jon, Samwell and Dolorous Edd. I really hope Grey Worm and Missandei can survive and move somewhere nice. Being from a warm climate, they must be miserable in Winterfell. Gilly shows some kindness to the children who ended up in what will be the heart of battle. Davos is understandably haunted by a little girl whose facial scars remind him of poor Princess Shireen.

I don’t know why Daenerys is so pissed at the Lannister brothers for Cersei’s betrayal, because Dany fell for it, too. I realize the brothers bear some responsibility since they know Cersei better, but at this point, everyone has to realize that the woman who firebombed a house of worship might not be trustable. Tyrion and Jaime are at a low ebb anyway (with even Jaime’s grooming reverting to the unkempt look he had when he was Catelyn’s prisoner).

Arya loses her virginity to Gendry. On one hand: git it, girl! On the other hand: it was startling to see the sideboob, since Arya was so young when the show started. But I’m not going to begrudge her character this experience, and I liked her directness and power in these scenes.

Daenerys reaches out to Sansa to smooth things over. It was refreshing to see these two characters talk instead of give each other side-eye and attitude. I do heartily agree with Sansa: they have plans for war but they need to have plans for peace, or whatever may follow. I think Sansa is 100 percent right to argue that as much as the Targaryens were robbed of their Seven Kingdoms, the Starks also got robbed of the North. You could even argue that the Starks got a rawer deal, since they were not insane and murderous, unlike the Mad King.

I felt for Daenerys at Jon’s revelation that he technically has a greater claim to the Iron Throne under Westeros’ preference for men before women (they could always just say “fuck tradition” like Tormund said). Daenerys has worked so hard and come so far and now at the last minute, Jon dumps this on her. Plus, she didn’t need this distraction right before the battle, but I don’t suppose there ever really is a good time for your lover to tell you he’s your nephew and maybe your usurper.

I understand the show wanted a “calm before the storm” episode and we will be grateful for it once the chaos begins and these people start dying. Judging by the reviews I’ve read, I’m in the minority, since I didn’t need two episodes of setup with just six installments of Game of Thrones left. I think this was an episode I’ll appreciate more on a second viewing after these characters meet their fates and I can look back on these quiet moments.

Game of Thrones S8 E1: Winterfell

Awwwwwww yeah!

That was fine. The first episode of the eighth season was mostly a chance, after two years away, to get reacquainted with the main characters of Game of Thrones and set up some conflicts. There were reunions aplenty: Jon and Arya, Jon and Bran, Arya and the Hound, and Bran and the “old friend” who threw him out a window in the pilot, Jaime Lannister.

Have we ever seen this many Game of Thrones characters in one episode? Just about everybody who is still a part of the central story was there (except, oddly, Brienne). As the cast largely moves toward the same goal of defeating the White Walkers, it makes sense that episodes will be less siloed. In the last few seasons, it’s been interesting to see even the costumes flattening so everyone is wearing black and white, or very muted colors. It would be a shock at this point to see some Lannister red. 

Daenerys and Jon ride into Winterfell like Jesus riding into Jerusalem on Palm Sunday, but not everybody is waving palms and celebrating. Lady Mormont points out that the North had rallied behind Jon Snow and asks why they should unite behind this southerner dragon queen. She has a point: the North is quasi-independent with its own culture and traditions and it’s fantasy to think everyone will just “bend the knee.”

Maybe the way the new credits swooped through the halls and kingdoms, which was startling after seven seasons, is a way of trying to tell us we’re going to start looking at Westeros from ground level, with the perspective of the soldiers fighting the wars. Or maybe they just wanted to do something cool for the last season.

In another location on the map, Cersei sleeps with Euron after making a show in public that she wouldn’t. I assume she’s going to pass off Jaime’s baby as Euron’s. Cersei also gives a cruel assignment to Bronn: He is to kill Jaime and Tyrion, the two men he has served and become friends with.

It’s not all gloom and doom, as this episode had a surprising amount of humor. However, the humor was less the show’s usual gallows humor but had more of a rom-com feel, in the way Jon and Daenerys took a dragon joyride around the North and Arya flirted with Gendry. There was also this Abbott and Costello exchange between Sansa and Daenerys: “What do dragons eat, anyway?” “Whatever they want.”

This throwaway joke illustrates the conflicting positions of the two women as Westeros prepares for war. Sansa is practical and knows she has to prepare the army to fight, and she knows the great houses of the North and how they interact. Daenerys is used to yelling “Dracarys” and destroying her enemies from far above. I’m kind of with Sansa on this one, and I’m impressed by her character arc, as she’s come a long way from the girl with the unrealistic fantasies of marrying Joffrey. She’s a confident woman who has more than paid her dues and is ready to lead.

Daenerys is again seeing the destruction she has wrought from above, meeting Samwell, whose father and brother she executed. I’m glad the show followed up on this because I didn’t agree with the execution at the time. I felt for Samwell losing his family, even those who were abusive to him.

Samwell’s revelation sets up a meaty conflict between Jon and Daenerys. As Jon is a Targaryen and descends directly from the Mad King, he has more of a claim to the throne than Daenerys. As Sam says, Jon gave up his throne for Dany; would she do the same for him? I’m not so sure. Jon has no ego, while Dany is all ego. Nobody would assume that many royal titles otherwise. I love Daenerys but I don’t always agree with her decisions, so we’ll see how this plays out.

Some White-Hot Takes on How 'Game of Thrones' Will End

Jon and Daenerys are consummating their affair when Bran bursts into (or rather, drags himself into) the room. He reveals his vision that Jon is a Targaryen, making Daenerys his aunt. The two are unfazed but they do have an intervention for Bran, with Sansa, Arya, Meera and many other cast members gathering to tell him how many lives he’s inconvenienced and ruined. They sentence Bran to confinement at Winterfell, where he sulks.

Varys proposes to Sansa. She politely declines.

The Wildlings finally just get sick of the snow. They migrate to Dorne for some R&R and to work on their tans.

Everyone gathers for Clegane Bowl. The Hound starts jumping around whimsically and pins the Mountain to the ground. However, the Hound gets distracted and cocky, leaving an opening for the Mountain to crush his brother’s head.

Qyburn proposes to Sansa. She politely declines.

Septa Unella escapes from the dungeon with the help of Gendry. He then takes her and the other surviving septas with him on a rowboat to journey to Qarth. The women serenade him with the old Westeros spiritual “Gendry, Row the Boat Ashore” as he rows.

Everyone in the cast lines up to have enthusiastic sex with Pod.

Arya goes to therapy. She realizes she doesn’t want to avenge anyone else, so she joins a needlepoint group. Theon joins her.

Missandei gets a job teaching VSL (Valerian as a Second Language). She and Grey Worm start a business selling pottery.

Bronn proposes to Sansa. She politely declines.

Melisandre is on a ship to Volantis when the ship takes a wrong turn and ends up in the Vale. Robin Arryn takes a fancy to Melisandre and she must spend the rest of her life trying to keep the child amused and fending off his adolescent breastfeeding needs.

Euron Greyjoy joins a Queen cover band and tours Westeros.

Brienne pledges loyalty to various characters and then betrays them for laughs. She’ll play the “I Never” drinking game with Tyrion, who will confide in her that he pooped himself at the Battle of Blackwater Bay. She’ll reveal this to everyone and laugh about it. Then Brienne will teach Davos the wrong definitions of polysyllabic words and mock him when he uses them wrong. Then Brienne will promise to Arya to take care of one of the direwolves and leave its cage open, letting it wander off.

Samwell will miss the entire battle, having gotten completely absorbed in the romance novels he finds in the library at the Citadel.

Yara proposes to Sansa. She politely declines.

The big battle of the White Walkers ends with the deaths of Jon, Tyrion, Brienne, Bronn, Jorah, the Mountain and a host of other characters. Lyanna Mormont wins the war almost single-handedly, killing over 400 White Walkers, including the Night King, with a combination of swordplay and yelling inspirational speeches at them.

After the battle, Daenerys decides against claiming the Iron Throne. Instead, she rides off into the sunset on one of the dragons, singing “Puff the Magic Dragon.”

A visible pregnant Cersei will have sex with Jaime next to Tyrion’s body. They then perform a (surprisingly credible) version of the ‘70s soft rock hit “(You’re) Having My Baby.”

At the end, Cersei will claim victory as the only power player left alive. She will be boozing on the Iron Throne when a slack-jawed Gilly walks into the throne room. Gilly will ask, “Is it called the Iron Throne because it’s made of iron?” Cersei will roll her eyes so hard, an aneurysm will burst. Gilly, First of Her Name, will then become Queen of the Andals and the First Men, Queen of the Seven Kingdoms, and Protector of the Realm.

Amused

Muse’s latest album Simulation Theory hits ‘80s references, both visual and musical, pretty hard. The tour hits on those references even harder. The show was so technically sophisticated that it wasn’t as much a nostalgic look back at the ‘80s from today, but a look back at that decade from years in the future, when technology really becomes otherworldly.

Visually, the show looked like an ‘80s cartoon lunchbox mixed with Stranger Things and Tron. Musically, it was passionate and rebellious. It was all lasers, neon, guitars and synths to hell and back. Opening with “Algorithm,” Matt Bellamy appeared wearing sunglasses shining hot pink lights. For “Pressure,” backup dancers continued the sartorial theme, wearing outfits that lit up with constantly shifting displays and colors like electronic highway billboards, playing (or pretending to play) trombone. The dancers were fun, showing up again spraying smoke on the crowd for “Propaganda” and surrounding Bellamy like a virus for “Thought Contagion.”

The show was inventive with its technology, altering live video of Muse performing with filters that were trippy and disorienting. For “Madness,” Bellamy wore sunglasses that spelled out key words of the song’s lyrics. There were multiple montages of futuristic metal skeletons and other apocalyptic images, but the show did have a sense of humor. As a spaceship-like lighting rig cast a glow down on stage, the band played a few notes on guitar from the music to Close Encounters of the Third Kind. Bellamy “talked” to the audience by making his guitar squawk these voice-like sounds.

The show was loud and driving, but I could have used a little more piano. For the one relatively quiet moment, Muse gathered at the front of the catwalk to perform “Dig Down” while the dancers, dressed in Gospel-singer choir stoles, floated in the background. There were columns of light shooting up to the ceiling, which gave the stage a neat effect of being dug down into the earth.

The highlight was my favorite Muse song, “Take a Bow.” The song is a blistering indictment of our political leaders, as relevant now as it was in 2006. As Bellamy started singing, he was addressing the song to a metallic skull (“Alas, poor Yorick”) that he held in his hand. On the video screen, the skull burst into flame, which gave me chills. The song’s rage spiraled up and up and its power grew and grew, and it was one of those disorienting moments in a concert where afterwards, you wonder, “What did I just watch?”

The more metal section of the show was a medley of “Stockholm Syndrome,” “Assassin,” “Reapers,” “The Handler” and “New Born.” For this, a giant inflatable skeleton wearing a virtual reality helmet emerged from the stage and clawed at the band, its jaw flapping hungrily. After all the video-based effects, it was shocking to see something so tangible on stage. It was also gloriously, completely ridiculous, like something from an Iron Maiden show.

Then Muse played the driving “Knights of Cydonia.” Everyone screamed “No one’s gonna take me aliiiiiive,” the dancers threw black and white beach balls into the crowd to bat around, and we all went home amused.

The Science Fair

We went to our son’s school the other night to see his science fair project. He did a nice job! He made a wind turbine with a plastic cup, a pinwheel and a hair dryer. It had nice information on that tri-fold display that we all remember from school.

Hopefully, he’ll be better at this type of thing than his old man was. The science fair was my nemesis. I half-assed it every year, since I didn’t care. Everything was last minute, which would really aggravate my parents.

In eighth grade, my science fair project was checking the accuracy of local weather forecasts. Every night, I would do the hard scientific work of watching Action News to see what they said. Then I would note the weather the next day. Did it rain as they predicted? How accurate were the highs and lows? My project answered these burning questions.

Freshman year of high school, I explored the wonders of photosynthesis. I grew plants under different types of light: natural, incandescent and fluorescent. No record survives of which type of light was best but I do remember the title of my experiment: “The Light That Sustains.”

One year, I think my experiment was which type of detergent cleaned clothes the best.

Either junior or senior year, my science fair project was a report on global warming. I gambled that the picture I drew for the cover would distract the teacher from noticing that I didn’t actually have an experiment; it was just a report. The teacher bought it.

So I was never one of those kids who would take their science fair projects for judging at the Granite Run Mall and then onto Regionals. It just wasn’t for me. I distinctly remember the feeling of liberation I would feel whenever I brought my science fair project to the cafeteria and was done and could get on with my life.

Now that I’m a parent this just makes me look back at what turned out to be important in school and what didn’t. Because of what I ended up doing in life, diagramming sentences and learning about gerunds turned out to be useful, while trigonometry and calculus didn’t. For other people, it’s the opposite. With our son, we don’t know yet what he’ll find worthwhile and what he won’t, but the fun will be him exploring and finding out.

The Dimwitted Smile of Betsy DeVos

Betsy DeVos smiles in Congress when she says regrettably—so regrettably—the Department of Education will have to eliminate funding for Special Olympics. The cabinet secretary is positively beaming as she hears that some 272,000 special needs kids and young adults will be affected by this. She grins and chatters away as she describes taking pruning shears to the “awesome” program that has longtime, broad bipartisan support.

Caught at the elevator and questioned, DeVos just smiles at the cameras and does not bother to speak. Questions about why the Department of Education would make such cuts just elicit a dim smirk. She gives us no indication that her head contains anything other than a circus chimp in a tutu riding a unicycle in a circle as calliope music plays.

And why shouldn’t DeVos smile? She’s probably thinking of her yacht—excuse me, yachts (10 of them, to be precise). It’s the smile of someone who knows she’s predestined for Calvinist heaven, so what does it matter if she disappoints a bunch of Special Olympic athletes?

We can imagine that DeVos smiles later while indignantly accusing the media of reporting what she said accurately, and then confirming that accuracy. She probably even smiles as her boss throws her under the bus and nixes the idea of cutting Special Olympics funds.

It is the smile of the dimwitted that falls across the face of Betsy DeVos. A long time ago, someone probably told her to smile no matter what, in some embroidered-pillow wisdom. Someone probably told her that if she’s not up to a task, a smile and “a great attitude!” will distract everyone from seeing how incompetent she is. But Betsy is wrong because—my God—everyone can see it.

Schrödinger’s Report

Everyone sure has strong opinions on a report that only about three people have read. Until we see the Mueller report, it’s more Schrödinger’s report than anything—we don’t know why they didn’t pursue charges against the administration, and we also don’t know why the report didn’t charge or exonerate the president from obstruction of justice charges. Was there not enough evidence? Until we see the full report, we don’t know if that cat is alive or dead.

I was initially surprised when I heard about the attorney general concluding there was “no collusion” since it seemed anticlimactic after almost two years. But if it’s unambiguously true that the president did not conspire with a foreign power to sway the results of an election, that’s a good thing (if there’s any sort of shenanigans or cover-up with the report, that’s when I’d be angry). It’s not like if they found conspiracy that Democrats should be thrilled that the commander in chief did something so horrifying. On the other hand, Republicans should find that the investigation was worthwhile, since it did establish that Russia had a hand in the election results and it did charge quite a few people with crimes that may not otherwise have been uncovered.

The White House is taking a victory lap. Fine, but what they really need to understand is they’re celebrating the fact that the president of the United States did not conspire with a foreign power to steal an election, and that’s about the lowest bar there is for public service.

Plus, no matter the final results, the president’s national security advisor, attorney, and campaign manager are all headed to jail. What does that say about the president’s judgment? What did the Russians see in the president that they wanted to ensure his election? Why does our president side with Russia over our own intelligence agencies? Why has the president tried to undermine our traditional alliances? These are questions that Congress and the public have to ask, and the answers are something Robert Mueller can’t give us.

There are also many points that the report may not have covered. There are the president’s business dealings in Russia, foreign donations to the inaugural fund, questions about sanctions, etc. Many of these questions have been farmed out to other investigators. There is also the counterintelligence investigation into the president, and I don’t think that is covered here (from what I understand, counterintelligence evidence may not necessarily rise to the level of criminal charges, and Mueller was concerned with criminality). There are also questions about obstruction of justice that we cannot answer without the report, and that Bill Barr’s summary doesn’t help with.

I think we’ll see something much more nuanced when we can read the final report. We need to see the actual investigative language in the document, since investigators do not legally talk in terms of clearing or exonerating people; they find sufficient evidence to charge or they don’t. The absence of evidence is not the evidence of absence. Without seeing the report itself, it’s ridiculous for Republicans to be dancing in the street or for Democrats to be putting their heads in the oven. All this over a four-page summary written by someone hired by the target of the investigation?

I did get caught up in the intrigue of Mueller Time and Indictment Fridays, since I enjoy political stuff like this. But in the last few months, I started realizing that the report would probably not be as black or white as either side might hope. There are many, many important things to focus on beyond all this Russia stuff. If you’re dissatisfied with the administration, there is plenty the president and his advisors have done in the open to focus on. We should look at those things but also seek the final, full report so we can learn and do a postmortem.

I never believed Robert Mueller was going to come riding in on a white horse and save us all. If we’re unhappy with the president, we need to change the government the old-fashioned way: Vote.