Rob Ford drops the mic

I’ve been loosely following the saga of crack-smoking Toronto Mayor Rob Ford and something I recently learned made me feel good about myself: The guy is only 44 years old.

I would have guessed 54 since he just seems so bloated and beaten down. To learn that Ford is only five years older than me plays on my vanity in a petty way because everytime I think I am looking older and dread turning 40, I can at least look at him and think, “I’m doing OK so far.” Wrinkles will come but at least I don’t look like I’m going to have a massive heart attack the next time I walk across the room.

Rob Ford is a scathingly hot mess and I can’t get enough of it. Yesterday, he responded to sexual harassment allegations by saying he would never tell a woman he would “eat her pussy” because he has “more than enough (pussy) at home.” The mayor of a major city used the word pussy at a live press conference. That is fan-fucking-tastic. Drop the mic. Drop it forever. That is the apotheosis of the political scandal press conference.

I’m not sure how this guy is still alive, given his lifestyle. Ford admitted to smoking crack during one of his drunken stupors, implying that he has frequent drinking stupors. There was also a story that on St. Patrick’s Day, he drank 40 ounces of vodka, smoked pot, snorted some coke and also took some Oxycontin. Knowing that and seeing what kind of physical condition he’s in, I will always look at Ford and expect him to keel over at any moment.

Carrying on like that in your 40s just isn’t a good look and hopefully he will get help. I don’t know how people can do that in middle age anyway. I’m not much younger and can’t drink like I used to. True, I don’t drink that much at all these days. I just don’t have much desire and can’t very well run out to bars all the time. Even when I was in my going-out days, I certainly never had any nights near what Ford did.

Yes, I’m getting older and remember that when I start falling asleep whenever I am close to horizontal on the couch and don’t make it through too many movies on Friday nights without dozing just a little. But I have recently been looking at myself and thinking I must either be lucky or am doing something right because I feel like a million dollars pretty much all the time (knock on wood). I sure as hell am in better shape than the mayor of Toronto.