Completely Devastated

One day recently I just couldn’t get out of bed. I just lay there moaning and crying, plummeting further down into a black hole of despair. I explored how low the human soul can truly go, spelunking into an inner cavern of horrors. I couldn’t even make it to the phone to call out of work. The alarm was buzzing continuously, a soundtrack to my abject misery.

Why was I in such a state? I had no idea until yesterday, when I dragged myself to the laptop to read an article in Time on “The Real Reason We’re Devastated About Benedict Cumberbatch’s Engagement” (http://tinyurl.com/kthkely ).

Thank God for Time, right? I have always turned to the magazine to illuminate the world so in the midst of my despondency, I looked for some sort of study or scientific evidence that could help me overcome my problems and become a better person. I found something even better: an article that perfectly encapsulates the feelings of millions of Americans. The best part is how the headline indicates “we,” like she’s speaking for all Americans — and she is, judging by the number of depressed people I’ve been seeing. This is the most incisive look at our zeitgeist since Tina Brown wrote that landmark article on why Americans needed Chelsea Clinton’s wedding to cheer us up.

The headline was spot-on because I realize now that the news of Cumberbatch’s engagement has completely devastated me. I feel like London after the Blitz. Even though I don’t think I’ve ever seen any of Cumberbatch’s movies, I howl in despair with thoughts that he is to be wed. Even though I couldn’t have picked him out of a lineup before reading the article (and now that I see him, he’s not attractive to me at all), I am in a spiral of sadness just knowing that he is off the market.

My hope is that I can pick up the pieces of my life and start again.