Bone Broth and Dad Bod

There has to be a way to monetize the more common aspects of our culture; to give the commonplace new life and make money off it.

Take the idea of bone broth, the new miracle trend in health food. Once avoiding gluten loses its luster, why not guzzle some bone broth to live forever? Apparently there are people out there paying like $9 for bones boiled in water. These used to be called soup bones and butchers would sell them very cheap. This is the same stock I make from a chicken that costs maybe $9 total (for the whole bird) and the work consists of filling a pot with water, turning on the gas and walking away. And of course I make it at home so it’s artisanal, so you are probably now screaming in uncontrollable excitement. Just find people who immediately hop on any health trend, slap some packaging on broth and you’re on your way to profits.

I heard people were feeding bone broth to babies (I guess to rid their bodies of “toxins” because our kidneys are a scam) but experts had to warn these brain surgeon that their kids can’t live on broth alone. That is an extra level of saddening.

There also has to be a way to make money off the concept of dad bod. Recently someone came up with this term to describe, basically, the effect of time and gravity on men’s bodies. This must come from the same impulse that makes people put “man” on common words, because men can’t just wear sandals; they have to wear mandals because it’s clever.

I wish I had thought of this: Coining a new term to describe the concept of flab, which has been around since time began. Maybe I can start a dad bod website and charge a fortune for ads and get rich. It will be a photo collection of middle-aged dads, all former high school athletes, at the beach. Or I can write a bunch of think pieces on dad bod and cash in. Some possible titles: “The Problem With Dad Bod” or “What We Talk About When We Talk About Dad Bod.” You’d pay a ton to read those, I’m sure.

Besides bone broth and dad bod, here are a few other commonplace things I’d like to rename and make a mint: Clearance sales, French dressing, plastic lawn chairs, bras, the way babies cry, flourless chocolate torte, self-adhesive stamps, crow’s feet and mortgage debt. Clever names coming soon.