So We're Adopting a Child

Not, like, right this second or anything. It will take a few months or a year or something like that until they place a child with us. But Steve and I have started the process so we thought we’d update people.

We’ve been planning this for awhile but wanted to wait until we moved into the new house and had tenants settled in the old house so our finances would settle down. This way, we can give adoption our full attention (one major life change at a time, please). We filled out an interest form a few weeks ago and the next step is taking adoption classes in January and February. Until then, we’ll be doing research and what not to get ready. Then we’ll have a home study and paperwork galore and hopefully, eventually, we will have a child in our home who will become part of our forever family once we work out the legal details.

We are hoping for an infant or toddler. We’re going through the foster care system in Delaware for a permanent adoption and that means a child who might have special needs. We’re very excited to give a loving home to a child who needs it. While the idea of special needs does scare me a little, since I want to be sure we can provide what a child needs, I also know that birth parents don’t get to uncheck a box and opt out of special needs, so if they can deal with it, so can we.

At this early stage, I’d say we are excited and nervous. I’m excited because I think Steve and I will make good fathers. I have wanted a child for a long time and while it took a back seat to the rest of life for awhile, I am grateful that our lives are in a place where we can do this. I’m nervous because I’m a worrier at heart (with a million questions and anxieties) and the process is daunting and having a child at our house seems far away. But of course, we’re venturing into the world of parenting and we’ll have challenges for the rest of our lives once we actually have a child so I can’t let myself be intimidated by paperwork and red tape. I have fears but am determined to be fearless, if that makes any sense.  

Fatherhood will not always be a walk in the park, I know. For every scrap of wrapping paper happily tossed around on Christmas morning, there will be a tense trip to the ER with a feverish child. But having the chance to give unconditional love and a good life to a child who needs it, and experience love in return, will be more than worth it. It’s time.

I’ll update people on the process as events warrant and as we’re allowed to share things. So mixed in with my usual recaps of zombie and spy shows, obscure comic book trivia, and snarky one-act plays, expect a little baby talk.

So anyway, that’s what’s going on with us. Happy Thanksgiving!

The Walking Dead S6 E7: Heads Up

I knew Glenn was dead. This was not because I am good at predicting plot twists on TV because I never see anything coming. I knew because I went to a non-entertainment website and the first headline I saw at the top of the page was “Glenn is alive.” Thanx. Was it really so hard to wait more than 12 hours to spoil it? Some of us are too old to stay up and watch The Walking Dead live.

The improbable way he survived was a little ridiculous but I suppose I’m happy Glenn is still alive. (To be fair, this isn’t the first time he’s escaped certain death. Remember last season when the cannibals came thisclose to slitting his throat over the tub only to be distracted at the last second?) He is one of the only people in the cast who adds a little humor to the story. I think it would have been more effective to have Enid stay gone. That was a powerful episode she was in a few weeks ago and I would have liked the idea that she would forever be a loose end in a story that doesn’t have many neat moments. She was kind of annoying this week.

Everybody seemed a little pissy. Rosita (or Sarah or Tara or whoever she is because she has little personality) flipped off Rick for criticizing her trying to save Deanna’s son. Rick tore down the signs for the prayer circle. I know Father Gabriel is a terrible person but that was a petty thing to do. In a zombie world, let people have whatever comforts them.

I kind of liked the scene with the big board meeting around the table with the main players. Carol criticized Morgan releasing that Wolf only for him to kill people. Elsewhere in the episode, Morgan pointed out that Rick let a crazed Morgan live when the logical thing to do would have been to kill him.

That was an interesting exchange between Carol and the widow’s son. He asked if killing people will make you become a monster but Carol says killing is the only thing that keeps you from becoming a monster. He said it philosophically but she, in typical pragmatic mode, took it literally.

“Heads Up” seemed like a quiet episode with a lot of talking, another scene setter for later. Glenn released the balloons, everyone knew he was alive and we’re headed for a nice quiet OH CRAP THE TOWER FELL AND THE ZOMBIES ARE FALLING RIGHT OVER THE WALL INTO ALEXANDRIA OH CRAP OH CRAP! Wow, that was jaw dropping.

A Modest Proposal

In looking at the terror attacks in Paris and in trying to prevent future ISIS attacks around the world, we must face hard truths. It’s not pretty but we must recognize and ask hard questions about the one demographic group these terrorists belonged to.

Millennials.

By and large, the murderers belonged to the subset of people born in the ‘80s. Now I’m not saying we should paint all people born in this generation as ideologically-driven murders. I’m also not saying we should automatically be suspicious or discriminatory when we see these people out and about, taking selfies or ordering Ubers or generally acting entitled in the workplace.

What I am saying is that we need increased vigilance for Millennials. We may have to do some things to safeguard our liberty that were unthinkable just a few years ago, but these challenges we face were also unthinkable until recently.

What do I propose? For starters, let’s safeguard our borders against these nefarious Millennials. The screening process needs to be more rigorous so we can weed out people who look like they are in the cast of Girls or who brag that “I don’t even own a television.” An excessive attachment to a smart phone would also automatically bar these people from seeking refuge and keep the American people safer.

For those Millennials who are already here, we may need increased surveillance of this generation to prevent them from doing something terrible. Let’s keep a close eye on anywhere this generation likes to hang out. This would include Drake concerts or living in their parents’ basements while saddled with crippling student loans. We may need to shut these places down.

Perhaps a database or Millennials is also in order, or maybe they should all have some kind of special identifier on their driver’s licenses to register them as part of this potentially nefarious generation.

Oh sure, some people will say this is a panicky, stupid way to confront this problem that flies in the face of what America stands for an also risks driving more Millennials to the arms of the terrorists. But isn’t it worth a shot?

Emoji of the Year

If you heard recently that the people at the Oxford dictionary have named the word of the year to be an emoji of a yellow face that is crying while laughing and were expecting me to react in an indignant manner, you were absolutely right.

I understand that the word of the year is not meant to be entirely serious. It’s a marketing thing meant to drive sales and traffic, like People’s sexiest man of the year. I don’t ask for Oxford to crown a five-syllable word every year and I was fine that the recent Oxford words of the year were things like “selfie” and “unfriend” that people had started using in casual conversation.

But is it so much to ask that the word of the year be an actual word? Like, the kind with letters and everything? Letters that you can write and pronounce and even rearrange to form other words? This is just … this is not a word. An emoji is a type of communication but the dictionary deals with actual words and should stick to those. It’s like People naming a gif or a meme of an animated man as the sexiest man of the year.

It’s just bullshit, is what it is. It’s a cop-out, like when Time names the person of the year and it’s not a person but protestors in general or the year when there was a mirror on the cover and the person of the year was … YOU! (Barf.) This is not Kidz Bop choosing a word of the year; this is Oxford. These are like the word people. Pick an actual word that might say something about 2015. Educate us. Revel in the joy of actual language that we can pronounce. (I guess it could have been worse, since one of the runners up was “lumbersexual,” which would have immediately been embarrassing and dated.)

Yeah, yeah, you’re rolling your eyes at me and saying, “Simmer down, grandpa.” But I think I have a point that I’d like an appreciation of language that goes beyond picture books. Pick a fun word. Pick the word “emoji” instead of an actual emoji. Just make it a word.

I’m not foaming at the mouth about this. It’s just a minor annoyance. If anyone reacts to what I wrote with “Who cares? Get a life,” then point taken, but we can also can add it to the pile of all the other stupid shit people care about in your Facebook feed.

The Debate Debate

At a conference room somewhere in, let’s say Kansas City, the Republican presidential candidates meet with anchors and producers from CNBC to hammer out the terms for their next debate.

Anchor: OK, for the first question, I was thinking we could ask one about ISIS. Something like, “What specific examples can you provide of the strategies you will use to fight the terrorist threat of ISIS?”

Marco Rubio: You know what, I don’t think I like your tone.

Anchor: My tone?

Rubio: Your tone. That whole “specific examples.”

Jeb Bush: Too biased. Way too biased.

Donald Trump: And this is just another example of how the media attacks us candidates. I am yuuge. I don’t have time for political correctness. I should not be subject to this grilling.

Producer: Grilling? But he just asked a …

Carly Fiorina: He needs to tone it down, is what he needs to do. It is patently unfair to ask us for specifics. I blame the media. For everything.

Ben Carson: My own personal theory is that Joseph built the pyramids to store grain. Now all the archaeologists think that they were made for the pharaohs’ graves. But, you know, it would have to be something awfully big if you stop and think about it. And I don’t think it’d just disappear over the course of time to store that much grain.

Anchor: OK, I guess we’ll scrap the question about ISIS.

Ted Cruz: Another thing: It is way too hot in here. I thought we agreed that we would keep the thermostat at 67º?

Bush: Ohh, I don’t want to sweat. And I don’t want my makeup to run. Oh.

Producer (checks thermostat): Yes, it’s 67º.

Fiorina: Then evidently, it’s still too warm. I think we need to form a committee to investigate the ideal temperature.

Carson: I think the likelihood of Hitler being able to accomplish his goals would have been greatly diminished if the people had been armed. I'm telling you, there is a reason these dictatorial people take the guns first.

Rubio: I refuse to do anything more until that committee determines what temperature the hall should be set at. I just absolutely refuse.

Chris Christie: I also refuse. I think each campaign should get an equal say in the temperature and then we should average it out. This is media bias.

Trump: No way! Why should we each get an equal say? We all know I’m the frontrunner. My vote should count more.

Fiorina: I think …

Trump: Honey, don’t interrupt me. It’s extremely rude.

Anchor: Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Before this gets out of hand, let’s agree to form a committee to investigate the temperature.

Producer: Here’s another thought: Maybe it’s easier to have each candidate take five minutes to talk about whatever and just tell people why they should vote for them.

Bush: I’m for it as long as we get equal time.

Trump: And as long as nobody asks us for specifics.

Carson: A lot of people who go into prison straight and when they come out, they’re gay, so did something happen while they were in there? Ask yourself that question.

Rubio: I’ll do it but I want a legal pad that’s the same as everyone else’s. And I want nicer pens on this podium.

Meanwhile, in New York, Hillary Clinton and an assistant review a book of fabric samples.

Assistant: So I was thinking the gold and blue would be nice.

Hillary Clinton: That’s fine. Whatever would complement the oval shape.

The Walking Dead S6 E6: Always Accountable

Darryl just does not have good luck making friends in the woods. First he falls in with those homicidal bikers and now he meets a bunch of weirdoes who steal his crossbow. This is what Darryl gets after being a decent person and bringing back their insulin? These three people don’t know how lucky they are to have met an old softie like Darryl: Carol would have poured out their insulin on the ground before shooting them in the head.

“Sorry,” the one guy says after taking Darryl’s crossbow. “You will be,” Darryl snarls. I believe it. You took the man’s crossbow.

I wasn’t sure exactly what was going on with the clash of the two groups and the dispute over what the three people had earned but I like when the show just gives us an elliptical idea of what’s happening and makes us fill in the blanks.

The ashen forest was creepy. There didn’t even need to be a backstory to that; it was effective on its own. There were also some very effectively horrific zombie predicaments, like the two people lying in plastic in that ruined house and what looked like a skeletal child wearing a helmet (please never show that again). I like when the show gives us just enough information to be horrified by the person’s death, like when they found a zombie tied up in a trunk and we had to wonder if someone left the person alive in there and then the person starved to death and zombified. That suggestion can be powerful sometimes.

Also effective: that insurance agent locked in a room. It looked like he knew he was going to die and held out to the end. What he wrote on the whiteboard, something like “Proud to have added value, I pray for the world, keep going, stay cheerful,” was darkly comic. This guy died at his desk and expressed his final words in corporate-speak.

If there was a theme to “Always Accountable,” it was what you earn and what you steal. The trio earns insulin and then steals weapons and a bike. Darryl loses his crossbow and motorcycle but finds an oil tanker. Abraham finds some rocket launchers. I like both Sasha and Abraham so I am liking the possibility of a love interest there. I also like Sasha’s incisive point about Abraham having to keep scrambling and tormenting himself to avoid having to think about the future.

And then that voice on the radio: “Help.” Glenn, is that you?

Doesn't It Seem Like the War on Christmas Starts Earlier Every Year?

I mean, it feels like Halloween just ended and I already am forced to get livid over Starbucks’ godless Christmas coffee cups. They’re still selling pumpkin spice lattes over there so it’s just too early in the season for me to choke on my outrage over what these Jesus-haters expect me to put my peppermint hot chocolate in. When it’s 60 degrees in mid-November and I have to passively-aggressively tell some atheist barista to write “Merry Christmas” on my cup, something is very wrong.

And the autumnal displays in the big box stores have already given way to Christmas decorations. Goodness, I haven’t even done my Thanksgiving dinner shopping yet. How can anybody expect me to warm up my throat to shriek at the next cashier who dares to wish me a “Happy Holidays”?

It wasn’t like this when we were kids. The annual War on Christmas never started so early. It used to be that we had to wait until Black Friday to start spitting nails over the public elementary school that put up some outrageous “holiday tree” right before the Christ-deficient teachers sent their kids on “winter break.” And Bill O’Reilly used to at least wait until after the Thanksgiving dishes were done before he started screaming about the correct way to celebrate the birth of Jesus. I used to like it when there was more of a nip in the air, or even some flurries, before my mind went red with rage.

At least give me a few weeks. I just can’t summon up the required bile before the end of November. Then we’ll celebrate Christmas as the King of Peace intended: With the rhetoric of war.

The Walking Dead S6 E5: Now

The Walking Dead was on a roll for awhile until it screeched on the brakes for the last two episodes. After “JSS,” probably my favorite episode ever, “Now” was one of my least favorites.

I understand the point of a table-setting installment like this one and I understand the need for a breather episode. It just would have been much better if it hadn’t followed last week’s interlude. Watching two episodes of this stuff in a row has killed the momentum for me. I couldn’t have taken any more scenes of two people talking and coming to terms with things scored to piano music or orchestral swells. I need less of that and more of Carol shooting people in the head.

It’s not as if there was no action this week. We did get some forward momentum with Maggie and Aaron searching for Glenn and then retreating in the face of terrible odds. Those skeletal zombies rising out of the mud in the sewer were terrifying and I had to look away. But then all that ends with the two of them scrubbing Glenn’s name off the memorial wall with some feel-good music.

I think Glenn is dead and they will next see him as a zombie. That explains why he hasn’t been on The Talking Dead and why the producer said we may see him or parts of him again.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, that doctor shows feelings (either genuine feelings or what-the-hell-the-world-is-ending-so-why-not feelings) toward what’s her name — Rosita? I can’t tell her apart from the other one. Rick kisses the widow. Carl, who by the way really needs a haircut, gets into a conflict with his friend. Deanna’s son teaches the Alexandrians a valuable lesson about stealing food and then steals anyway. And was that one zombie who attacked from nowhere the Wolf that Morgan let live last week? Did he die and turn?

Deanna herself walks around shellshocked, devises plans for more organized civilization inside the walls, kills a zombie and tells Rick she wants to live. Maybe there is some promise there.

I just hope things get moving again. I may be in the minority but I did not care for the last two episodes.

What alien races are running around the Marvel Universe?

The Marvel Universe has been overrun with aliens for decades. Here is a primer to tell who’s who.

The first alien race ever in Marvel is the Skrulls, introduced way back in Fantastic Four #2 in 1961. These aliens are warlike shape-changers. The Super-Skrull is like the Superman of the Skrulls and possesses all the powers of the Fantastic Four. In the first encounter with these aliens, Reed Richards hypnotized three of them (the fourth escaped) into believing they were cows. The Fantastic Four thought the aliens would live out their lives harmlessly but this came back to bite the superheroes when the cows attacked the Vision and later produced milk that turned towns surrounding the cows’ farm into a Skrull horror show.

The Skrulls have not been featured in the Marvel movies (their rights probably are with the Fantastic Four so the Chitauri are a rough analogue) but they have been a consistent part of Marvel history. For awhile, they lost their ability to shape change. Galactus once consumed the Skrull throne world, upsetting all sorts of apple carts and killing billions. A Skrull once impersonated Alicia Masters and the Human Torch married her under this false pretense. Recently, the Skrulls impersonated several heroes, such as Hank Pym, the Invisible Woman and Jarvis in the Secret Invasion story, in a plot to take over the world.

The Kree are the other major Marvel race and are more heroic, having produced the warrior Captain Marvel (Mar-Vell) and empowered human Carol Danvers to become Ms. Marvel and later Captain Marvel. They also date back to the ‘60s. The Kree come in two colors: blue skinned and white skinned. Ronan the Accuser, who appeared in the Guardians of the Galaxy, is a Kree. Another prominent Kree is the Supreme Intelligence, basically a huge, floating green head who acts as a sort of oracle.

The Kree and Skrulls hate each other, which culminated in the early ‘70s in the Kree-Skrull War in the pages of Avengers. This story is notable for being one of the early examples of cosmic Marvel and the Avengers venturing into space. It’s one of the book’s best stories ever.

The Fantastic Four have the Skrulls, the Avengers have the Kree and the X-Men are most closely associated with the Shi’ar race. Deposed Empress Lilandra had contacted Professor way back when and they soon became lovers on and off again. The Danger Room had used vastly advanced Shi’ar technology. Lilandra had been running around with the Starjammers, a band of alien pirates led by Cyclops’ father, Corsair. The Shi’ar got into a major conflict with the X-Men when Dark Phoenix destroyed a Shi’ar battle cruiser and then destroyed a planet. This led to the X-Men fighting the Imperial Guard in a trial for Jean’s life.

The Dire Wraiths were a nasty piece of work. They mostly appeared in the Rom title in the ‘80s, a comic about an alien spaceknight. The Dire Wraiths would kill people by sticking their elongated tongues into people’s brains. The people would then crumble into husks and the aliens would take on their appearances. It was disgusting and horrifying. The story was a slow burn, with the Dire Wraiths appearing more and more in Marvel titles, killing and impersonating more people, until the heroes banded together to banish them.

The Badoon are another warlike race. I vaguely remembered they had conquered 30^th century Earth and fought the future Guardians of the Galaxy in the comics but I don’t know much about them.

The Brood (nicknamed “Sleazoids”) fought the X-Men several times and look similar to the alien in Alien. They would impregnate people with Brood eggs and once did so with Professor X before the Shi’ar implanted his consciousness into a new, younger body and saved him. 

The D’Bari were a peaceful race of people who looked like broccoli. They only really appeared once in an infamous story in X-Men #135. Dark Phoenix had inadvertently destroyed their planet, killing billions of them, when she absorbed their sun for fuel. Dark Phoenix was originally supposed to survive this story in a depowered form but when editor in chief Jim Shooter found out that she destroyed an inhabited planet, he decreed that she needed to pay a price because superheroes don’t kill. Overwhelmed by guilt, Jean then killed herself to protect the universe from her power. This was an example of editorial interference actually giving a story more impact.

Amortization!

Am I a total dork for making spreadsheets showing how I can best amortize my outstanding credit card debt? *

There are at least three payoff models according to whether I want to pay off the card with the smallest balance first or the card with the lowest interest rate, etc. I basically plotted out the payment amounts for the next few months. These do not include future charges or interest charges, since I’m not that good in math.

What I am good at is making lists and engaging in busywork. I have made endless lists of all the music and comic books I own. Some people doodle when they’re bored; I make lists. I hate being in debt but there’s not much to do but pay it down over time and the busywork distracts me. I’m not good at math in the sense that I can’t do even the most basic calculations without a calculator but I think I am pretty good at managing money. It’s satisfying to see that if I stick to a plan, I’ll eventually be out of credit card debt.

Sigh. I never used to be in credit card debt and used to pay off everything immediately. Enter homeownership and adulthood — like, real adulthood with worn out tires and a leaky roof. I’m on top of it and I have excellent credit and all that but things got a little tight last summer. We had to pay two mortgages for awhile after buying the new house and the house needed furniture and stuff that you always seem to need after you move, no matter how well-prepared you think you are.

But with our tenants in place and paying rent on the old house, we have some breathing room and I can attack this debt. Then we can finally put in place our grand plans. MWAHAHAHAA!

* yes

The Walking Dead S6 E4: Here's Not Here

A flashback to the mysterious cheese maker delves into the story of how Morgan went from crazy violent to relatively pacifistic, filling in the time between the great season three episode “Clear” and his arrival at Alexandria.

Eastman wasn’t a very good cheese maker but he knew what he was doing with that aikido staff. His story was chilling and the ending was a sick joke: After taking 47 days to starve to death the man who killed his family, Eastman goes to turn himself in and finds that the world as he knows it has ended and now his brutality was just a drop in the bucket. Nobody would care that much because everybody is numb. I liked how Eastman’s death was off camera. We’ve seen this routine so often on The Walking Dead that not seeing death and burial is sometimes more powerful.

I did like how Eastman’s story gave us a look into the past before the zombie apocalypse started. The show doesn’t seem to do too much of this lately, I guess because everybody is too busy fighting for their lives to reminisce. An occasional look into who these people were before can be very powerful.

The framing sequence with the captured Wolf was a jolt, as Morgan weighs the practical necessity of killing the man he spared against the “all life is precious” philosophy he learned with Eastman. In the end, he locks the door, perhaps so the guy will starve and the problem will take care of itself through malignant neglect and not action. (If they wanted a sitcom ending to this, they could have had Carol rush in and shoot the Wolf in the head to a sad trombone sound effect.)

This was a mostly good episode as a breather after the intensity of the first three episodes, and we did need to see how Morgan got more centered so we can understand his actions going forward. However, I laughed out loud at some of the dialogue, like Morgan growling “I need to clear!” and saying “Kill me!” I don’t know if it was the acting, writing or directing, or maybe just that I have an empathy problem, but this sort of thing always makes me laugh.

Another howler: “The door is open. The door was always open.” The door, you see, is a symbol.

I felt bad for that poor goat.