Streaming Peanuts

I just think it’s a shame that the Peanuts Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas specials will be moving to Apple TV. Not everybody has access to all the streaming apps, and even though you can apparently still see these specials for free for a limited time, not everybody out there is able to download the apps. We have the DVDs from years ago but who knows how accessible they are to people now.

 

Perennial holiday specials like these should be accessible to everybody, which means network TV. No cable, no streaming, no nothing. Just basic old VHF, like it’s been for 50 years. These old shows appeal to the masses so they need to reach the masses.

 

I know the answer to why they moved these shows is “money” (the answer to many, many questions in life) but this is a shame. There’s something very comforting knowing Peanuts and the other specials are on at a special time and all you need is a basic TV. The magic is gone when these shows move to niche streaming services.

 

Streaming is a great invention and lets us access TV and movies that we otherwise might not, but it definitely has its drawbacks. Shows keep disappearing and moving so you have to subscribe to so many just to keep up. This is why I will never part from my DVDs and blu-rays, because as long as they make players, I’ll have access.

 

So you might get access to more but we’ve lost something. We’ve lost the communal experience of watching It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown at the same time, or seeing The Wizard of Oz on TV in March, or The Ten Commandments for Easter and Passover, or It’s a Wonderful Life at Christmas, or everyone tuning in to Cheers on Thursdays at 9 p.m. I just think it’s a shame to lose that.

Election Nights

I anticipate a late night on election night next week (which for me, on weeknights, counts as anything after 10 p.m.). I have an intense interest in the outcome so I’ll have to stay up to see the results. We may not get the final tally on Tuesday but I’ll have to stay awake until we get a clear signal that no other news will be forthcoming that night.

 

It’s not the first time I’ve stayed up on election night. The first few elections during my awareness were pretty tame. Aside from a very hazy memory of the 1980 election (I vaguely remember an article in Highlights or something showing the candidates), the first presidential election I remember was 1984. I can remember watching the conventions on TV on what must have been some rainy summer days or nights. I don’t actually remember election night except for a vague memory of my parents voting at the elementary school, and I think they brought me along. That would have been an early night had I stayed up. Election night 1988 is a blank for me.

 

I voted for the first time in 1992. That was a relatively exciting election with an incumbent losing but I have no memory of watching the returns. I don’t remember 1996 either, since that was a boring election that nobody remembers. I think I went out somewhere with my friends that night.

 

The first late-nighter for me was 2000. I was a reporter for a local newspaper so I was at the courthouse that night getting results for local races. Back at the office, we put together our stories but by around midnight, the presidential race was still too close to call. Right before we went to print, for some reason they asked me to make the call of who won the presidential race. I forget if I chose Bush or Gore but I just kind of flipped a coin so we could go to press with a heavy asterisk next to the result. I worked for a small paper so we didn’t have access to wire services or national results or anything like that; we were just watching TV like everybody else. After we finished, I went out for a beer with my coworkers and then home.

 

I was transfixed by the coverage when I got home, with the endless seesaw of the Florida results. I was particularly fascinated when Gore conceded and then retracted it. I’d never seen anything like that before. So I was up until 4 or 4:30 a.m. (Wednesday was my late day so I could afford to sleep in). I think I only went to bed when Peter Jennings or somebody told everyone there wouldn’t be any final results that night.

 

I was up late-ish in 2004 but probably went to bed by midnight. I don’t think we got any results until the next day. The 2008 election was called pretty early. I remember watching the Obamas walk out and address the crowd in Chicago. Oprah and Jesse Jackson wept. Election night 2012 didn’t go late either. When they called it for Obama, I turned on Fox News to see how they were reporting it, just in time to catch Karl Rove incredulous that Romney didn’t win Ohio, then going back to the room where they tabulated the results (which looked just like you’d expect: a bunch of people hunched over computers and crunching numbers).

 

Who remembers election night 2016? We thought it would be a party but it was looking grim as some of the returns came in. It was a roller coaster since Trump won a bunch of states in the South and Midwest (Indiana is always first), then a few big states were called for Clinton. Then the atmosphere shifted sometime between 9 and 10 p.m. The news anchors were breaking down the micro-results in several counties to compare how the candidates were doing with their predecessors. Pennsylvania, Michigan and Wisconsin just were not cooperating. I was watching the results move just slightly up and down as the percent of returns grew. It was surreal.

 

I think I finally went to bed at midnight because I just couldn’t watch him declare victory. I told Steve to wake me up if something unexpected happened. I didn’t sleep much.

 

So of course I’ll be watching Tuesday night for as long as it takes, at least until we find out we know all we’re going to know for the moment. I’m not as young as I was in 2000, and I have to work the next day, so I’ll be exhausted and either very happy or sad on Nov. 4.

 

After all this talk of long counts for mail-in ballots and bizarre Electoral College scenarios, wouldn’t it be hilarious if we had a landslide and it was over right after the West Coast polls closed? 

Bore Me

I long to be bored again, to get a break from the firehose of rancid water that they have been spraying in my face for what feels like longer than four years.

 

I sit bolt upright in bed at night wondering if Pennsylvania or Florida will heat up from ice blue to dusty rose. I refresh all the websites all workday long to catch the latest outrage that may move the needle somewhat—his lies about dangers in the very air, the smears of our uniformed dead, more gasoline in a summer of street flames.

 

It is a constant firehose of shit, out of control and out of proportion. Too fast to keep up with or know what will matter in the end.

 

I want to return to those years when I did not need to stay vigilant. When Congress and the president could go about their boring business and I would not have to worry about how many hairline fractures they could inflict on America.

 

 

Indian Summer Sputtering

Hold onto the dulling gold in the leaves and trees as long as you can. The warmth is a trick—you know it is.

 

You wear T-shirts now in early twilight but before dawn, before the world sputters into Indian Summer, you bundle up, refusing as long as you can to turn on the heat. Soon it will be fuzzy slippers and afghans for evening television, crock pot meals to fortify you, sweaters you forgot you stored away.

 

Don’t let it fool you: The sun seems like it will never end, like your skin will always hold the heat, but even a momentary cloud can plunge you right to the outer-space chill of the coming winter.

 

Ping

I signed up to get breaking news alerts from CNN. With the election, COVID-19 and all the general 2020 chaos, I figured it might come in handy to find out any important information that breaks.

 

The thing is, my definition does not always match CNN’s definition of breaking news that we need to hear immediately. A few times the app has woken me up with the telltale ping right before my alarm goes off at 6 a.m. So a few possibilities raced through my hazy mind:

 

Is there a vaccine?

 

Is there yet another hurricane, which they had to call Hurricane Aleph because they also ran out of Greek letters?

 

Did Betty White go to the Great Lanai in the Sky?

 

Did the burned-down rubble on the West Coast burn down too?

 

Is he dead?

 

Are we having a snow squall?

 

No. CNN felt I needed to know immediately that Louise Glück won the Nobel Prize for Literature. In Scandinavia, they’re giving out Nobels at a more civilized hour, probably gazing out at fjords as they do it, but on the East Coast, it’s before dawn.

 

I’ve heard of Louise Glück but never read her poetry. I probably will do that but the thing is, it could have at least waited until after coffee.

I can't decide

Hi. I’m an undecided voter from Mechanicsburg, PA. Or is it Mechanicsburg, OH? I can never remember. Anyway, I spend a lot of time at the diner eating pancakes while the New York Times interviews me. I’m aware there’s a presidential election happening soonish so I watched the debate Tuesday night.

 

And I still just can’t decide who to vote for.

 

I’m really wrestling with this! Do I vote to reelect President Donald Trump, a conservative Republican who has taken hard-right views numerous issues? Or do I vote for former Vice President Joe Biden, who is a more moderate Democrat? It’s like, do I want ketchup or catsup? Both candidates are interchangeable so I’m having trouble deciding.

 

Take racism, for example. At the debate, Trump was asked to denounce violent white supremacist groups like the Proud Boys. He declined to do so, and instead told the Proud Boys to “Stand back, stand by,” which the group is taking as a directive to commit violence. Biden did not encourage a white supremacist group to commit violence. These two positions are basically equivalent, so I can’t pick a candidate. Both sides!

 

Maybe there are some nuances here that just elude me. I just need more information than I’ve received for the last four years to decide on one of two candidates. Shall I vote for Trump? Do I choose Biden? Shall I part my hair behind? Do I dare to eat a peach? I shall wear white flannel trousers and walk upon the beach.

 

I really don’t know if I’ll come up with an answer with just a month left in the race so I think I just need a little more assistance here. Perhaps some media companies will be kind enough to come to my house in the mythical undecided heartland of America and put me in a focus group to help me distinguish between two candidates who seem nearly identical. While they’re here, maybe they can also help me decide on other serious questions and issues, like “Cake or death?” and how to find my ass from a hole in the ground.