[REDACTED]

1. On August 8, 2022, pursuant to a signed search warrant, the Federal Bureau of Investigation (“BUREAU”) conducted a search of the property of Former President (“FPOTUS”) Donald J. Trump at 1100 S. Ocean Blvd., Palm Beach, [REDACTED] 33480.

 

2. The search recovered a total of 184 documents, with a total of 25 marked as Classified, Sensitive Compartmented Information Facility, Special Access. These documents typically contain national defense information (“NDI”) and in the past have contained sensitive information regarding [REDACTED] Jimmy Hoffa’s burial place, [REDACTED] [REDACTED] of the Loch Ness Monster and [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] true nature of Area 51 and Area [REDACTED].

 

3. BUREAU agents subsequently received access to a storage room outside the pool, the [REDACTED], the Christmas present–wrapping room, Melania Trump’s [REDACTED] and FPOTUS [REDACTED] [REDACTED] room for [VERY REDACTED] sport of [REDACTED]. Agents observed a [REDACTED] [REDACTED] ketchup on the wall and [REDACTED].

 

4. We have reason to believe the documents returned to the BUREAU contain information at the highest level of secrets in the United States Government. These include [REDACTED] nuclear [REDACTED] of the [REDACTED REDACTED QUITE REDACTED] base at [REDACTED], the [REDACTED] [REDACTED] Elizabeth Jennings, [REDACTED] Directorate S, the secret [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [OMGREDACTED] for Jared Kushner [REDACTED] bone saws, as well as [REDACTED] [REDACTED] Ukrainian plan for [REDACTED], the [REDACTED] gambling debts of [REDACTED] Kavanaugh, and the payout for [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED WTF] of FPOTUS’ Deutsche Bank [REDACTED].

 

5. [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [VERY REDACTED] [HOO BOY REDACTED] [REDAC-DAC-DIDDLY-ACTED].

 

6. The BUREAU therefore has [REDACTED] to believe FPOTUS [REDACTED] in toilets, [REDACTED] Russian ambassador, and [REDACTED] [REDACTED] light treason.

 

7. Hereby aforementioned sworn forthwith this date of [REDACTED].