Brian Saves Hollywood

I have not seen one movie that was nominated for Best Picture. This is not atypical since we don’t go out to the theater much and will just Netflix the movie whenever we get around to it. Among the list of nominees, I might see Moneyball or The Help. However, I have no desire to see something like The Artist or Hugo. From what I understand from the synopses, both movies capture “the joy of cinema” or “make you fall in love with movies all over again.”

I’ll pass, thanks. I just don’t have any interest in The Artist. I’m not seeing a silent movie. The 1920s ended. I don’t understand what Hugo is supposed to be and I’m confused by the very fact that Martin Scorsese made a half-animated movie or whatever it is. I’m sure both of these are well done and delightful and whimsical but I’m not always in the mood for delightful whimsy. Sometimes I just want something a little darker and more emotional. I don’t want to see another movie about movies. The idea is done. It’s dead.

These movies are precisely the problem with Hollywood and the Oscars: The fact that they honor movies about movies. It’s like being trapped in a room with someone who can’t stop talking about himself.

At the next Oscars, does anyone really need yet another montage of movie clips from the past 70 years with some presented saying, “Movies have the power to make us blah blah and yadda yadda” and oh God I’m already bored. If you’re watching the Oscars, you probably already enjoy film on some level so what’s the point of preaching to the choir about it? Are there really so many people who don’t care for film as an art form that we need to push the form? Will anyone watch The Artist and say, “Gee, I was dubious about this whole ‘movie’ thing but that was so delightful and whimsical that now I’m a movie fan”? If the previous 90 years of movies haven’t converted you to a film fan, why would one silent movie?

Hollywood fondles its collective worry beads about declining box office and it seems like they push movies like The Artist to get people back. I think I know the real reasons people are disenchanted: Netflix is much cheaper than going to a theater and the stories aren’t that great anymore. If filmmakers would just tell a decent story, maybe more people would show up.

I got it: Movies are magic. So just tell your story, stop talking about yourself and let the magic happen. Show; don’t tell.