Every year, there’s that certain someone on your Christmas list for
whom you feel an obligation to buy but for whom you don’t really want to
go to trouble. You don’t want to think too hard about what this person
wants but just want to pick up something that screams “gift.” Well, good
news. Here is a comprehensive list of some … unique … gifts that are
sure to please anyone. *
Pizza Hut Perfume
Guiding Light: The Complete Series (all 18,000 episodes ever produced for TV and radio, from 1937 to 2009, in a DVD/CD box set)
Membership to the Mayo of the Month Club
Prolapse: A Pictorial Guide
Eagles season tickets
A Christmas turkey seasoned with mistletoe, candycane dust and cinnamon
A new iPad Macro (32-inch screen)
Parker Brothers’ new board game The Blame Game
An autobiography of Honey Boo Boo, written without a ghostwriter
$10 gift card to Louis Vuitton
New iPad app Shit Pickers to examine your excrement to diagnose your health
A truckload of Romney for Amercia T-shirts
PSY’s Greatest Hit collection
Stolen ultrasound of Kate Middleton’s baby
Heil, Honey, I’m Home: The Complete Series
Tickets to a Nikka Costa concert
Velvet painting of Paul Ryan on a weight bench
Blank cassette tapes
Autographed script of Liz and Dick
100% wool bra
A date with Taylor Swift (followed by a catty song about you by Taylor Swift)
Mayan wall calendar
* I am never wrong.
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