A defensive what class?

I’ve been dissatisfied lately to discover that the premium for my car insurance has increased by $25 a month in the last two years. It’s an industry-wide phenomenon, my insurance company tells me. We discussed some solutions and one of the things they recommended was something about a defensive driving class.

I’m sorry: a defensive what class? I’ve been driving for long enough. What will I learn from this class that could make me a better, safer driver? I should teach this class.

You know what, let me tell you something about driving (steps up to pulpit). I’ve been driving for 26 years and have had the same insurance company all that time. In that time, knock on wood, I’ve never been at fault in an accident. I haven’t even filed a claim in 11 years and that was when I was sitting at a red light and the car in front of me backed into me. I drive a lot. My commute is one hour each way, over a mix of highways and winding rural roads. I’ve put 190,000 miles on my car in 10 years, and my previous car had about 176,000 miles on it or something. I’ve driven all over the East Coast and Midwest, through cities, suburbs and country. I’m unintimidated by traffic, weather conditions, road surfaces or big scary trucks. I hate driving so much but I’m really good at it. 

My point is that I have a long enough driving history that my safe record cannot be chalked up simply to luck, as the sample size is way too big. My 26 years of driving skills and safety should speak for themselves and should entitle me to some sort of discount. Call it the “Competency Discount” or the “Knowing What You’re Doing Discount.” A lot of us should get this.

Yeah, I guess a class would just be something I can snooze through online, but that’s not the point. Is America no longer a meritocracy? Does my record entitle me to nothing? What have we as a society become?

Tell me to take a defensive driving class. Come on.