About an artist growing old

Once in awhile, I’ll hear the sonorous tones of someone singing about an artist growing old over a piano melody in a commercial for Apple. The song of artistic dreams that did not come to pass is, I guess, evocative. It certainly evokes something: When I hear that woman sing, I can almost see the walker scrape over the floor during the talent show at the nursing home.

Anyway, as much as that tune revs me up to go to an Apple store and buy everything beginning with “i,” I do have some constructive criticisms of that song that I’d like to offer, so it’s even more evocative.

First off, a few of the lines could be better expressed, as they do not fit the meter of the song. The first line, “Listen up and I’ll tell a story,” seems crammed into the music. It would fit much better if you’d sing, “Won’t you listen to my story?”

I find the opposite problem a few lines later, when the singer stretches the word “aren’t” into an extra syllable. The line is “Others aaaren’t so bold” but it would work much better as “Others aren’t quite so bold.”

Those are my constructive criticisms. I could say other things about the song, like don’t write a dirge that makes everyone feel like they’ve wasted their lives as the black wall of death approaches, but I’ll leave it at that. Anyway, I hope the woman who sings this song enjoys her Apple commercial money and appreciates advice from an unpublished middle-aged writer.