Do you have a few minutes to talk about your roof?

Not really, but I already opened the door like an idiot, so.

Hope you’re having a good day. You seem a little low energy today.

I wouldn’t say that. You just took me away from the work I was doing, as well as the Internet distractions from that work. Any “low energy” is just your misinterpretation of my crestfallen expression that I didn’t hide from your mid-afternoon knock on the door and now have to stand here on my step pretending (barely) to care what you are presenting.

Well, we’re from Whatever Roofing Company and we’re just letting you know that we’re going to be in the neighborhood doing estimates on people’s roofs.

Duly noted.

Can I ask, how old is your roof?

I don’t know.

I’m seeing water streaks on your roof. It appears to be an older style. You may want to think about a replacement.

OK. It’s cold standing out here.

So we’ll be around today and tonight. Is there a good time when I can give you an estimate?

No. I don’t think so. No.

How long have you lived here?

Three years.

You might want to think about getting an estimate for a new roof.

Not right now, thanks. We’re trying to organize some things financially and aren’t in the market for a roof. Which seems to be holding up fine with no leaks.

I understand but isn’t it better to get that estimate now, just so you know?

No thanks. Just … no thank you.

Well, we’ll be in the neighborhood, so what’s the harm?

Let me tell you something. I know I may need a new roof at some point. I know that. But you coming around offering estimates isn’t some Brigadoon event that only happens every hundred years. I get people knocking on my door a few times a year offering the same thing. See, the thing is, there are multiple roofing companies that will come out and give you an estimate if you just call. They actually don’t have to be coaxed out to your home. If I call your company next week, they’re not going to tell me, “Sorry, our guys were out there last week and you said no. You missed your shot.” So when we’re ready for a new roof, and we have the financial means, we will call some companies and get estimates when it’s convenient for us.

So if you’ll excuse me, it’s cold standing on my step, so I’m going to go inside and continue to work/avoid work. I bid you good day.