Gayer Than Thou

I’ve been pleasantly surprised in the last few months by the relative popularity of Pete Buttigieg as a presidential candidate. I figured a gay mayor of a small city would be a longshot, but he’s making a bigger impression that expected. (He’s not one of my top candidates but it’s still nice to see a gay candidate not get dismissed immediately. Of course, for the love of Christ, I’m voting for whoever the Democrats nominate for president.)   

Lately I’ve read some commentary about how Buttigieg is apparently not quite gay enough for some of the gays. A few months ago when the Buttigiegs appeared on a magazine cover, dressed in khakis in front of their house, someone analyzed the photo and said the two appeared conservative enough that the photo looked, I believe, like “a photo of heterosexuality without women” or some nonsense. Then there was a recent article by a gay writer who called Buttigieg “Mary Pete,” speculated on his sexual position, basically said he was too boring, and since he came out at 33, he might be inclined in the White House to act like a big old gay whore in a belated adolescent period and endanger national security or something. The article seems to be satire but I’m not sure because with the very best satire, I find that the reader can take it at face value until reading one subtle but unmistakable giveaway that the article isn’t to be taken seriously, and I didn’t read that here.

Anyway, once in awhile I will see commentary like this that gay people are “assimilating” if they live their lives in the ways straight people always have. God knows that no gay people should feel the need to hide. Our spiritual ancestors fought for decades that people should be able to wear rainbow boas and parade and dance in the streets. If that’s what you want, if that’s who you are, go for it. Drop the mask and be who you are.

But what about gay people who sort of live quieter lives because that’s who they are, and not because they’re trying to assimilate? Aren’t such people allowed to be who they are just as much as the louder people? People shouldn’t have to go to the other extreme and slap on a mask of flamboyance if that’s not who they are.

I saw some of this during the gay marriage debate when some gay writers opposed gay marriage, saying basically, “Why would you want to do something so boring?” Like marriage is some couch that’s too blah for their unconventional loft. (It sounds like I’m making strawman arguments, and I don’t have sources here, but these are just pervasive things I’ve heard through the years.) I respect all the gay people who took risks in living unconventional lives to fight for parity with straight people but from some quarters there seems to be disappointment with those who chose to take advantage of that parity.

I’m not a flashy person. I’m not wearing a mask to hide anything to make me acceptable to straight circles; it’s just who I am. I’ve dabbled in excitement but in my heart, at my age, I just want a nice quiet life with my family and to read a few books. If that’s not gay enough for people, I don’t know what to tell ya.