Hot Stove

Expert Chef: Now, don’t touch the stove. I just turned off the burner so it’s still hot. If you want to touch it, you have to wait until the heat dies down and the red light turns off.

American 1: OK, I’ll wait. (Five seconds pass.) Can I touch it now?

Expert Chef: No, the light is still on.

American 1: But I want to touch it!

American 2: I’m just so over not touching the stove.

American 1: That’s long enough. I’m touching it.

The Expert Chef grabs American 1’s hand before he can burn himself.

Expert Chef: No! It’s still hot! You’ll get burned!

American 2: But is it still hot? I’m just asking questions.

Expert Chef: Yes. All empirical evidence, including the heat emanating from the burner, and the red light, indicate that the stove is indeed still hot.

American 1 touches the stove and burns his hand.

American 1: Ow! That burns!

Expert Chef: Well, what did you think would happen? I warned you.

American 1: You can’t tell me not to touch a hot stove! I have freedom!

American 2: I have a right to touch that stove! It’s right in the Constitution!

Expert Chef (flabbergasted): But … that’s not … You have your freedom, yes, but you have to balance that with responsibility. In this case, the responsibility not to hurt yourself or others.

American 1 (staring directly at red light): How about now? Still hot?

Expert Chef (through gritted teeth): You can feel. The heat. From here.

American 2: But my gut tells me it’s not hot.

American 1: Oh, always go with your gut. I mean, what do so-called (does air quotes) “experts” know?

American 2 touches the still-hot burner.

Expert Chef: No! No!

American 2: Oww! That smarts!

American 1: Oh, how hot can it— (touches stove) Ow!

American 2: Nobody warned us!

The Expert Chef bangs his head on the counter.

American 1: Why are you hurting yourself? Don’t you know any better?

Repeat scene ad infinitum.