In Westminster Abbey, King Charles III is giving the first speech of his reign before the Accession Council.
King Charles III: … Therefore, garlic shall be reinstated on the Official Menus of State at all royal functions. I am also ordering all the swans in His Majesty’s realm to be painted chartreuse.
Chancellor of the Exchequer: Bloody hell, guv’nah! Not the swans!
King Charles III: Also, the Crown shall change the official spellings of the words “color,” “rigor” and “humor.” These shall be spelled without a “U.”
Lord Simon Mungington-Hapsburg: But that “U” defines us as a country!
Baron Huw FitzHugh: Crikey! That’s a bridge too far, it is!
King Charles III: Finally, I am changing the pronunciation of the words “aluminum” and controversy.” They shall be pronounced as “ah-LOO-min-num” instead of “ah-loo-MIN-i-um” and “CON-tro-ver-sy” instead of “con-TRO-ver-sy.” Say them with me now: “Ah-LOO-min-num CON-tro-ver-sy.”
Nigel Plantagenet, the Fifth Earl Kensington-on-Tyne: Oi! Who died and made you king?!
The sky immediately darkens and thunder booms. A vision of an angry Queen Elizabeth II appears before the Accession Council.
Queen Elizabeth II: I did!
Her eyes flash red and lightning strikes in their midst. The Council scatters and Charles smirks.
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