Tuesday, April 9, 2019

Amused


Muse’s latest album Simulation Theory hits ‘80s references, both visual and musical, pretty hard. The tour hits on those references even harder. The show was so technically sophisticated that it wasn’t as much a nostalgic look back at the ‘80s from today, but a look back at that decade from years in the future, when technology really becomes otherworldly.

Visually, the show looked like an ‘80s cartoon lunchbox mixed with Stranger Things and Tron. Musically, it was passionate and rebellious. It was all lasers, neon, guitars and synths to hell and back. Opening with “Algorithm,” Matt Bellamy appeared wearing sunglasses shining hot pink lights. For “Pressure,” backup dancers continued the sartorial theme, wearing outfits that lit up with constantly shifting displays and colors like electronic highway billboards, playing (or pretending to play) trombone. The dancers were fun, showing up again spraying smoke on the crowd for “Propaganda” and surrounding Bellamy like a virus for “Thought Contagion.”

The show was inventive with its technology, altering live video of Muse performing with filters that were trippy and disorienting. For “Madness,” Bellamy wore sunglasses that spelled out key words of the song’s lyrics. There were multiple montages of futuristic metal skeletons and other apocalyptic images, but the show did have a sense of humor. As a spaceship-like lighting rig cast a glow down on stage, the band played a few notes on guitar from the music to Close Encounters of the Third Kind. Bellamy “talked” to the audience by making his guitar squawk these voice-like sounds.

The show was loud and driving, but I could have used a little more piano. For the one relatively quiet moment, Muse gathered at the front of the catwalk to perform “Dig Down” while the dancers, dressed in Gospel-singer choir stoles, floated in the background. There were columns of light shooting up to the ceiling, which gave the stage a neat effect of being dug down into the earth.

The highlight was my favorite Muse song, “Take a Bow.” The song is a blistering indictment of our political leaders, as relevant now as it was in 2006. As Bellamy started singing, he was addressing the song to a metallic skull (“Alas, poor Yorick”) that he held in his hand. On the video screen, the skull burst into flame, which gave me chills. The song’s rage spiraled up and up and its power grew and grew, and it was one of those disorienting moments in a concert where afterwards, you wonder, “What did I just watch?”

The more metal section of the show was a medley of “Stockholm Syndrome,” “Assassin,” “Reapers,” “The Handler” and “New Born.” For this, a giant inflatable skeleton wearing a virtual reality helmet emerged from the stage and clawed at the band, its jaw flapping hungrily. After all the video-based effects, it was shocking to see something so tangible on stage. It was also gloriously, completely ridiculous, like something from an Iron Maiden show.

Then Muse played the driving “Knights of Cydonia.” Everyone screamed “No one’s gonna take me aliiiiiive,” the dancers threw black and white beach balls into the crowd to bat around, and we all went home amused.


Friday, April 5, 2019

The Science Fair


We went to our son’s school the other night to see his science fair project. He did a nice job! He made a wind turbine with a plastic cup, a pinwheel and a hair dryer. It had nice information on that tri-fold display that we all remember from school.

Hopefully, he’ll be better at this type of thing than his old man was. The science fair was my nemesis. I half-assed it every year, since I didn’t care. Everything was last minute, which would really aggravate my parents.

In eighth grade, my science fair project was checking the accuracy of local weather forecasts. Every night, I would do the hard scientific work of watching Action News to see what they said. Then I would note the weather the next day. Did it rain as they predicted? How accurate were the highs and lows? My project answered these burning questions.

Freshman year of high school, I explored the wonders of photosynthesis. I grew plants under different types of light: natural, incandescent and fluorescent. No record survives of which type of light was best but I do remember the title of my experiment: “The Light That Sustains.”

One year, I think my experiment was which type of detergent cleaned clothes the best.

Either junior or senior year, my science fair project was a report on global warming. I gambled that the picture I drew for the cover would distract the teacher from noticing that I didn’t actually have an experiment; it was just a report. The teacher bought it.

So I was never one of those kids who would take their science fair projects for judging at the Granite Run Mall and then onto Regionals. It just wasn’t for me. I distinctly remember the feeling of liberation I would feel whenever I brought my science fair project to the cafeteria and was done and could get on with my life.

Now that I’m a parent this just makes me look back at what turned out to be important in school and what didn’t. Because of what I ended up doing in life, diagramming sentences and learning about gerunds turned out to be useful, while trigonometry and calculus didn’t. For other people, it’s the opposite. With our son, we don’t know yet what he’ll find worthwhile and what he won’t, but the fun will be him exploring and finding out.

Monday, April 1, 2019

The Dimwitted Smile of Betsy DeVos


Betsy DeVos smiles in Congress when she says regrettably—so regrettably—the Department of Education will have to eliminate funding for Special Olympics. The cabinet secretary is positively beaming as she hears that some 272,000 special needs kids and young adults will be affected by this. She grins and chatters away as she describes taking pruning shears to the “awesome” program that has longtime, broad bipartisan support.

Caught at the elevator and questioned, DeVos just smiles at the cameras and does not bother to speak. Questions about why the Department of Education would make such cuts just elicit a dim smirk. She gives us no indication that her head contains anything other than a circus chimp in a tutu riding a unicycle in a circle as calliope music plays.

And why shouldn’t DeVos smile? She’s probably thinking of her yacht—excuse me, yachts (10 of them, to be precise). It’s the smile of someone who knows she’s predestined for Calvinist heaven, so what does it matter if she disappoints a bunch of Special Olympic athletes?

We can imagine that DeVos smiles later while indignantly accusing the media of reporting what she said accurately, and then confirming that accuracy. She probably even smiles as her boss throws her under the bus and nixes the idea of cutting Special Olympics funds.

It is the smile of the dimwitted that falls across the face of Betsy DeVos. A long time ago, someone probably told her to smile no matter what, in some embroidered-pillow wisdom. Someone probably told her that if she’s not up to a task, a smile and “a great attitude!” will distract everyone from seeing how incompetent she is. But Betsy is wrong because—my God—everyone can see it.

Thursday, March 28, 2019

Schrödinger’s Report


Everyone sure has strong opinions on a report that only about three people have read. Until we see the Mueller report, it’s more Schrödinger’s report than anything—we don’t know why they didn’t pursue charges against the administration, and we also don’t know why the report didn’t charge or exonerate the president from obstruction of justice charges. Was there not enough evidence? Until we see the full report, we don’t know if that cat is alive or dead.

I was initially surprised when I heard about the attorney general concluding there was “no collusion” since it seemed anticlimactic after almost two years. But if it’s unambiguously true that the president did not conspire with a foreign power to sway the results of an election, that’s a good thing (if there’s any sort of shenanigans or cover-up with the report, that’s when I’d be angry). It’s not like if they found conspiracy that Democrats should be thrilled that the commander in chief did something so horrifying. On the other hand, Republicans should find that the investigation was worthwhile, since it did establish that Russia had a hand in the election results and it did charge quite a few people with crimes that may not otherwise have been uncovered.

The White House is taking a victory lap. Fine, but what they really need to understand is they’re celebrating the fact that the president of the United States did not conspire with a foreign power to steal an election, and that’s about the lowest bar there is for public service.

Plus, no matter the final results, the president’s national security advisor, attorney, and campaign manager are all headed to jail. What does that say about the president’s judgment? What did the Russians see in the president that they wanted to ensure his election? Why does our president side with Russia over our own intelligence agencies? Why has the president tried to undermine our traditional alliances? These are questions that Congress and the public have to ask, and the answers are something Robert Mueller can’t give us.

There are also many points that the report may not have covered. There are the president’s business dealings in Russia, foreign donations to the inaugural fund, questions about sanctions, etc. Many of these questions have been farmed out to other investigators. There is also the counterintelligence investigation into the president, and I don’t think that is covered here (from what I understand, counterintelligence evidence may not necessarily rise to the level of criminal charges, and Mueller was concerned with criminality). There are also questions about obstruction of justice that we cannot answer without the report, and that Bill Barr’s summary doesn’t help with.

I think we’ll see something much more nuanced when we can read the final report. We need to see the actual investigative language in the document, since investigators do not legally talk in terms of clearing or exonerating people; they find sufficient evidence to charge or they don’t. The absence of evidence is not the evidence of absence. Without seeing the report itself, it’s ridiculous for Republicans to be dancing in the street or for Democrats to be putting their heads in the oven. All this over a four-page summary written by someone hired by the target of the investigation?

I did get caught up in the intrigue of Mueller Time and Indictment Fridays, since I enjoy political stuff like this. But in the last few months, I started realizing that the report would probably not be as black or white as either side might hope. There are many, many important things to focus on beyond all this Russia stuff. If you’re dissatisfied with the administration, there is plenty the president and his advisors have done in the open to focus on. We should look at those things but also seek the final, full report so we can learn and do a postmortem.

I never believed Robert Mueller was going to come riding in on a white horse and save us all. If we’re unhappy with the president, we need to change the government the old-fashioned way: Vote.


Friday, March 22, 2019

Where have I been?


I’m alive and what not. I just haven’t been on Facebook lately except to promote my curiously Pulitzer-bereft blogs. So if people notice I haven’t been liking statuses lately, it’s nothing personal. I’ll still respond to messages and what not (at least as much as my general flakiness will permit).

It’s just that I’ve been turned off by Facebook lately because there’s always a problem. There are data breaches and all other types of scandals. They’re always having to mea culpa before Congress and the public. There’s just never not a problem with Facebook and it’s exhausting.

Go to https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Criticism_of_Facebook and you have to scroll way the hell down to get to the end of all the problems they’ve had. The paperwork is more complicated than our taxes. It has 522 references. Some examples:

·      Endless problems with privacy and data mining.
·      Cambridge Analytica, the shady company involved with the 2016 Trump campaign, used data from 87 million people for political purposes.
·      Gaining access to users’ private messages without permission and sharing the data with third parties.
·      Selling ads to Russian companies that spread false information on the 2016 election.
·      A security breach last year that exposed the data of 50 million users.
·      Misleading advertisers that users wanted more videos, which indirectly led to media outlets “pivoting to video” and laying off non-video employees.
·      And just this morning, I hear Facebook improperly kept records of millions of passwords.

Granted, when a company has as much influence and size as Facebook, there are going to be problems. It’s just that it seems like Facebook is constantly having to apologize and explain and testify, and it’s a turn off.

They don’t seem to know what they’re doing over there. The executives will keep promising to do better but it’s like watching an Andy Reid press conference after a loss—he keeps saying “I gotta do better” but then just keeps mismanaging the clock.

Also, can we please, as a society, stop patting Mark Zuckerberg on the back for showing up to Congress in a suit? Every time he has to appear, there’s a general aura of, “Ooh, look at you! Don’t you clean up nice!” It is no longer 2004. Zuckerberg is not a college student in flip-flops and a hoodie. He is a 34-year-old multi-billionaire and if he has to testify in Congress, he doesn’t deserve extra credit for wearing a suit, because that’s what adults do. The Social Network was 10 years ago, and that flashback portrayal of him was dated even then.

I’m not saying get off Facebook or anything, and I’m not criticizing people who are on a lot. I’m not deleting my account. It’s just all the scandals are getting old and I need a break.

Friday, March 15, 2019

Your Periodic Reminder


Betty White has now outlived the following famous people who lived and died entirely within her lifetime:

George Bush
Barbara Bush
Aretha Franklin
Prince
David Bowie
George Michael
Muhammad Ali
Stan Lee
Jack Kirby
Fidel Castro
Leonard Cohen
John McCain
Steve Jobs
Carrie Fisher
Debbie Reynolds
Chuck Berry
Florence Henderson
John Glenn
Mary Tyler Moore
Kate Spade
Anthony Bourdain
Burt Reynolds
Philip Roth
Mac Miller
Phife Dawg
Edward Albee
Sharon Jones
Charles Krauthammer
Natalie Cole
Leonard Nimoy
Joseph Wapner
Neil Simon
Janet Reno
All Jarreau
Charlotte Rae
Antonin Scalia
Vanity
Don Rickels
Jerry Van Dyke
Glenn Frey
Gwen Ifill
Bill Paxton
Arnold Palmer
Kay Starr
Paul Walker
Jack Chick
Tom Hayden
Alan Thicke
Bobby Vee
Shimon Peres
Elie Wiesel
Miss Cleo
Charles Manson
Buddy Ryan
Tommy Page
Tom Petty
Rose Marie
Pat Summitt
Morley Safer
George Martin
Joan Rivers
Jerry Lewis
Rob Ford
Garry Shandling
Dolores O’Riordan
Robin Williams
Penny Marshall
Patty Duke
Harper Lee
Lou Reed
Jonathan Demme
Glen Campbell
Alan Rickman
Scott Weiland
Lemmy Kilmister
Adam West
Larry Hagman
Jan Hooks
Robert Guillaume
Jim Nabors
James Gandolfini
Roger Ailes
Roger Moore
Sue Grafton
Gene Wilder
Lauren Bacall
John Mahoney
Merle Haggard
Leon Russell
Margaret Thatcher
Erin Moran
Whitney Houston
Martin Landau
George Romero
Etta James
Don Cornelius
Michael Jackson
Ken Berry
Steven Bochco
Amy Winehouse
Margot Kidder
Heath Ledger
John Ritter
Elizabeth Taylor
Princess Diana
David Foster Wallace
Brittany Murphy
Jim Morrison
Peter Jennings
Daryl Dragon
Corey Haim
John Lennon
Johnny Cash
Dominique Dunne
Elvis Presley
Andy Gibb
Peter Finch
James Ingram
Jack Palance
Frank Zappa
George Harrison
Barbara Bel Geddes
Robert Reed
Bob Guccione
Brian Jones
Eliot Smith
Selena
Luke Perry
Heavy D
Keith Moon
John Entwhistle
Kim Jong-Il
Eddie Fisher
Richard Burton
Peter O’Toole
Brandon Tartikoff
Norman Fell
Benazir Bhutto
Aliyah
James Brown
Jimi Hendrix
Marlon Brando
Paul Newman
Billy Mays
Janis Joplin
Nick Colasanto
Nell Carter
John Denver
Tug McGraw
Jayne Mansfield
Buddy Holly
Ritchie Valens
Big Bopper
Kurt Vonnegut
Kurt Cobain
Peter Lawford
Keith Haring
Hunter S. Thompson
Ed Bradley
Andy Warhol
Sharon Tate
Warren Zevon
Gilda Radner
Clarence Clemons
Florence Ballard
Johnny Carson
Tim Russert
Pelle Lindbergh
Chris Farley
Nate Dogg
Roy Halladay
Marilyn Monroe
James Dean
Richard Burton
Bill Paxton
Harry Kalas
Florence Griffith-Joyner
Corey Lidle
Slobodan Milosevic
Audrey Hepburn
Lisa Lopes
Gary Coleman
Peter Boyle
Len Bias
Joe Paterno
Carol O’Connor
Sidney Lumet
Avicii
John Belushi
Stieg Larsson
Lee Harvey Oswald
Linda McCartney
Princess Margaret
Jean Michel Basquiat
Sammy Davis Jr.
Jim Henson
Jerry Falwell
Redd Foxx
Judy Garland
Natasha Richardson
Susan Sontag
Michael Hutchence
Bud Dwyer
Phil Hartman
John Updike
Harvey Milk
Martin Luther King Jr.
David Carradine
River Phoenix
Notorious BIG
Jonathan Brandis
Grace Kelly
Prince Rainier
Farrah Fawcett
Boris Yelstin
Karen Carpenter
Sid Vicious
Fats Domino
Rock Hudson
Bruce Lee
Ted Kennedy
Maurice Gibb
XXXTentacion
Tupac Shakur
Normal Fell
Syd Barrett
Tom Wolfe
Che Guevara
Barney Martin
Robin Roberts
John Phillips
Cass Elliot
Jessica Savitch
Ian Curtis
Nancy Spungen
Johnny Stompanato
Natalie Wood
Bettie Page
Don Knotts
Joe Strummer
Andy Griffith
Walter Payton
Aliyah
Glenn Quinn
Timothy McVeigh
Brad Renfro
Joey Ramone
Dee Dee Ramone
Anne Bancroft
Robert Mapplethorpe
Reggie White
Richie Ashburn
Ted Bundy
Geraldine Ferraro
Madeline Kahn
Estelle Getty
Bea Arthur
Rue McClanahan

Wednesday, March 6, 2019

Do you have a few minutes to talk about your roof?


Not really, but I already opened the door like an idiot, so.

Hope you’re having a good day. You seem a little low energy today.

I wouldn’t say that. You just took me away from the work I was doing, as well as the Internet distractions from that work. Any “low energy” is just your misinterpretation of my crestfallen expression that I didn’t hide from your mid-afternoon knock on the door and now have to stand here on my step pretending (barely) to care what you are presenting.

Well, we’re from Whatever Roofing Company and we’re just letting you know that we’re going to be in the neighborhood doing estimates on people’s roofs.

Duly noted.

Can I ask, how old is your roof?

I don’t know.

I’m seeing water streaks on your roof. It appears to be an older style. You may want to think about a replacement.

OK. It’s cold standing out here.

So we’ll be around today and tonight. Is there a good time when I can give you an estimate?

No. I don’t think so. No.

How long have you lived here?

Three years.

You might want to think about getting an estimate for a new roof.

Not right now, thanks. We’re trying to organize some things financially and aren’t in the market for a roof. Which seems to be holding up fine with no leaks.

I understand but isn’t it better to get that estimate now, just so you know?

No thanks. Just … no thank you.

Well, we’ll be in the neighborhood, so what’s the harm?

Let me tell you something. I know I may need a new roof at some point. I know that. But you coming around offering estimates isn’t some Brigadoon event that only happens every hundred years. I get people knocking on my door a few times a year offering the same thing. See, the thing is, there are multiple roofing companies that will come out and give you an estimate if you just call. They actually don’t have to be coaxed out to your home. If I call your company next week, they’re not going to tell me, “Sorry, our guys were out there last week and you said no. You missed your shot.” So when we’re ready for a new roof, and we have the financial means, we will call some companies and get estimates when it’s convenient for us.

So if you’ll excuse me, it’s cold standing on my step, so I’m going to go inside and continue to work/avoid work. I bid you good day.