Cancer Meat

Oh, come on. Are you really shocked that there’s a link between processed meats and cancer? The warning is that 50 grams of processed meat a day, or a hot dog’s worth, will raise the risk of colorectal cancer. If you literally eat a hot dog per day, what did you think the long-term effect on your health would be? You are eating a food that, despite its all-American branding, is almost literal crap. I mean, we all eat crap sometimes but you have to realize eating a hot dog every day would come back to haunt you in some form.

Didn’t we just do this? I could swear there was a study not that long ago that said the same thing about processed meat. Why is the freakout happening now? I indulge in bad foods like everyone but I was never under the impression that I was eating kale.

I have also read several articles talking people down off the ledge after this health warning and saying they may not have to cut processed meats out of their diet much. Maybe the cancer risk isn’t mathematically as great as feared but if you eat a hot dog or several pieces of bacon every day, it might be a good idea … to cut back a little … anyway? For general health reasons? Just a suggestion.

I will probably come off arrogant and piss people off, which happens whenever we talk about diets, but I don’t eat that much processed meat. God knows (and you can tell the minute you spot my middle-aged spread) that I am not a health nut but my food indulgences lay in other areas. I haven’t eaten a hot dog in many, many years. I was that weird kid in school who brought his own lunch on hot dog day. They’re just … no. No. I cannot.

I will eat lunchmeat if someone offers it, like if our company brings sandwiches for lunch, but it’s like a few times a year. I don’t hate lunchmeat but I very rarely eat it. I can’t remember the last time I ordered it at a deli (mostly because the supermarket deli is the fifth circle of hell with me having to wait behind King Louis XIV and Marie Antoinette imperiously insisting on micron-thin bologna). I am that odd person who doesn’t care much for hoagies. I don’t even know what’s on an Italian hoagie. If I want a sandwich, I’ve just found it much easier and tastier to cook a chicken or corned beef myself and carve it up. One person can get multiple meals out of a whole chicken, plus stock. Plus, I really should watch my salt intake and lunchmeat has too much of that.

I eat some sausage but it’s only now and then. I do like my red meat but it’s like once or maybe twice a week, especially in the summer when I’m barbecuing burgers or steak. But I can’t afford steak every day.

And then there’s bacon. I’m a fan in theory and won’t pass it up but I really only eat it a handful of times per year. It’s really only when I go out for breakfast or on Christmas morning or something. It’s more of a treat. I’m just so bored with the whole Military Bacon Industrial Complex anyway. I’ll see people post pictures of bacon on Facebook and I’m supposed to immediately drool and hit the “like” button so hard that my mouse shatters and make some over-the-top comment about how much I worship bacon more than you but I just … meh. Bored now.

Most of my meat needs are chicken and pork. Oh God, I could eat chicken every day. I realize it’s not a kale smoothie but it’s not as bad as some of the other options for carnivores. I also love pork chops. The cancer articles listed pork as part of the red meat risk, but I thought it was white meat? It’s white when cooked.

I am trying to cut down on meat somewhat. It will be like Meatless Monday but I don’t want it to be on the same day every week, because I might want some chicken on a Monday night. I’m realizing that I do like fish (I could eat salmon every day) so I’m eating more, except for vile shellfish. And there was that unfortunate incidence with the mackerel. I’ll never be a vegetarian or vegan but I don’t need meat 24/7.

Anyway, I do have my food indulgences, which are too long and disgusting to go into here, but processed meats are not really part of them.