Civility

The talking head shifts on the couch as he always does when he wants to make a serious point.

“Civility is truly dead,” he says. “You can clearly see that in what happened with our House Democrats this week.”

“Truly dead,” the woman agrees while crossing her bare legs.

“Can you imagine the gall of Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez?” the third one says to the camera. “Yelling at those poor CBP guards at the day camp in Texas. The audacity.”

The first one chimes in. “Well, I never!” He fans himself.

A look of extreme disgust comes over the first man’s face. “So much for the tolerant left.”

“I mean, all those guards were trying to do was their jobs: Detaining asylum-seekers in crowded holding pens for more than the legal 72 hours with no hygiene and just one bathroom,” says the woman.

“Oh boo-hoo,” says the first one. He affects a fake whine. “‘We have to drink out of the toilet. My kid has the flu and they won’t let him see a doctor. It’s hideously overcrowded and they won’t let me take a shower.’ Cry me a river.”

“Honestly, I went to worse house parties in college,” she says.

The three laugh.

“Even if those conditions were as bad as the libs think, none of that justifies AOC raising her voice,” the third one intones solemnly. “I just think of those poor, defenseless guards having to endure getting yelled at and my heart just …” he trails off.

“Is it any wonder why these guards are making rape jokes about AOC and making fun of the kid who died crossing the border? The stress they must be under.”

“We need a return to civility in this country.” The woman pauses and waits for applause, which does not come because the show does not have a live studio audience. “We need to settle our differences in a way that does not make anyone the slightest bit uncomfortable. That (bleep) needs to learn better manners.”

“I mean, if you want to argue against detaining asylum-seekers in horrific conditions, fine, but do it politely. Raising your voice is beyond the pale.”

“Let’s get back to the old days,” says the first one. “Politicians would argue about the Kansas–Nebraska Act and at the end of the day, they’d repair to a tavern to hoist glasses of ale with one another.”

“Boy, I think we’d be much better off if we went back to that time period,” the third one says wistfully.

The face of the first man darkens. “Now we need to interrupt this discussion for important breaking news. Sarah Huckabee Sanders received a series of dirty looks while out at a baseball game.”

The woman tsks audibly and mutters, “What’s become of us as a society?”

“For more on this harrowing development, let’s go to Sean Hannity.”