Wednesday, January 2, 2013

The New Me


New Year’s resolutions officially begin on Jan. 2 because New Year’s Day is a holiday. But why go full force into a year of self-improvement? Let’s ease into The New You, much like one eases into drawstring pants, rather than expending the truly herculean effort of putting on pants with a real button and zipper just to leave the house. Here are some resolutions that will be easy to keep.

Turn 39
Eat at least two meals a day, every day
Walk (sometimes)
Go to work and do some work
Continue not smoking
Read something, anything
Check my email
Watch a little TV
Listen to some music
Pay my mortgage
Drive
Not eat butter by the stick
Edit things
Turn off the shower when not using it
Get at least four hours of sleep a night
Cut down on vodka
Blink more

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