Apropos of Nothing

Ordering ice cream in a cone seems like a waste of time because it’s just going to drip all over everything. Then it gets all over people’s hands and they squeal in horror. Well, what did you think would happen? I just order ice cream in a cup because when I want to inhale some ice cream, I’m all business and don’t have time for the nonsense of dripping.

I think if I ever watched one of the trashier reality TV shows, like the Real Housewives series, I would be able to hear my life force leaking out of me like a deflating air mattress and the sound it would make would be “Briiiian … you’re wasting your liiiiiife …”

That Doritos commercial, where the boy kisses the girl and says, “she tasted like Doritos,” is repugnant. I can’t imagine a less flattering sentence in the English language. It doesn’t help that I can’t stand Doritos.

Continuing a time-honored tradition, roadwork is starting again on Route 52 in Centerville. This has happened annually for the last four or five years. I have no idea what else they could do with this road. It’s just a two-lane highway; how much more work could it possibly still need? It kills me when there’s extensive construction and you can’t tell what they did on the road.

I don’t understand how 3-D printing works. You can print a gun now? What about the bullets?

Who the hell is Rebel Wilson? Do I need to know who this person is? She was in some kind of movie (was it a movie?) called Pitch Perfect and she hosted the MTV Movie Awards. Is the fact that I don’t know who she is attributed more to my ignorance of recent pop culture or just that we now deify even D-list celebrities?

I feel almost bad for not really caring about or following whatever happened in Cleveland. Some kind of sex slave thing? This is terrible but if some scandal happens during my vacation, like this crime during our honeymoon, I just don’t pay much attention to it. Benghazi happened when we were in Seatowne and I just couldn’t care less about that one, either.