#deadgrandma #cuteblackdress

Pro tip for people attending funerals: You might not want to take a selfie photo in the funeral parlor. Good taste is in the eye of the beholder but I for one will not “like” such a photo if you post it on Facebook.

This is something that some people are doing now. It’s mostly teens and young people, apparently. I’ve seen selfies of people posing and making the duck face in all black or with their grandmother’s corpse in the background. My how grieving rituals have changed since my day when you would lay the body down on the dining room table and everyone would gather round and do shots of whiskey until the vicar came by.

The following is my in-depth, nuanced examination of both sides of this debate.

On the pro side, people all grieve in different ways and it’s harmless to take a photo of yourself at a funeral. The deceased is dead and can’t be offended.

Counterpoint: Maybe you should put down the smart phone for one hour because you’re at a GD funeral.

I get that funerals are for the living and some people may want to have a more upbeat funeral and that might include photos. I can also see taking a group photo of people who are together and may not see one another except at a funeral or a wedding. But a funeral selfie says something else. It says, “I can’t stem the flow of my narcissism for even a little bit to acknowledge that today might possibly maybe not be all about me and how I look in my black suit or dress.” It doesn’t include the real reason you’re there: The deceased. It’s all about you.

Is it really worth offending the other mourners by taking these photos? People do grieve in their own ways but people might look at your selfie and feel that it trivializes what they’re going through. What if my way of grieving is just to laugh? To cackle uncontrollably through the wake and eulogy? Are you offended? Does that intrude upon your quiet reflection? Oh but it’s my way of grieving. Quit being such a stick in the mud, smart phones are here to stay, kids will be kids, etc.

I’m all for remembering events through photos, given the wedding photos that wallpaper our home. But I personally have no desire to remember the sad days or at least don’t need the visual record. I will look at photos of my grandparents when they were alive and didn’t need to snap a selfie with one hand while pallbearing with the other.

Call me old fashioned but there’s just something incredibly gauche about smiling for the camera and posting the photo with #deadgrandma #cuteblackdress hashtags. It just isn’t done. You can spend an afternoon at least putting up an appearance of appropriate mourning for the sake of the living if not the dead. You can and you will.