Shave

Now that Movember is over, the mustachioed men of America are free to … carry on like they always have. They had facial hair before and will have facial hair afterwards. So many men have facial hair now that wouldn’t a more effective way to show you care about a disease be for people with mustaches and beards to shave them off for a month? 

I’m not mocking anyone’s commitment to disease here; just poking fun at the ubiquity of beards. Sure, if I grew facial hair, everybody would notice because I’ve never had it. But for most men, it seems like they have some kind of facial hair already so the charity idea is not as noticeable. I think the only people I noticed growing facial hair last month were Joe Buck and Troy Aikman.

So next year, everybody shave for cancer awareness. What’s that? You look too young without facial hair? Your face is too sensitive? Think of the children. Don’t you care about all those kids with prostate cancer? What a monster.

I am fine with people have facial hair and am certainly not anti-beard. I even got used to my husband having a beard. It’s just not anything I would personally ever do, at least not again. Remember when I grew a mustache and beard for Jesus Christ Superstar? I looked so old and I was only 30. Looking any older than I absolutely have to is completely unacceptable for me. I realize my hair is gray but it’s just too aggravating to dye it (I tried once) and it’s too jarring because everyone would immediately notice.

Don’t give me that “you look distinguished” because “distinguished” is code for “old.” It’s a way to sugarcoat something. It’s like calling someone’s house “cute.” You mean “small.”

No, it’s clean shaven for me from now until I’m in a coffin. Facial hair is ubiquitous but I don't believe everyone looks good with it or that it’s something that all men need to do. Some people look terrible with facial hair and I’m one of them. Even if someone liked it, that’s fine but it’s my face and I have to look at it in the mirror so I’m never not shaving. I have even read that so many men have beards now that having bare cheeks is like a new trend. Maybe for once in my life I will finally be trendy.