Turnover

Alright, people, it’s time to mobilize. We already wasted a whole day yesterday and the Easter candy and decorations are still not on the shelves. I don’t even want to think about how many thousands of dollars in sales that this supermarket lost. We need to get all this Valentine’s Day merch off the shelves NOW.

Those of you who worked here last year know the drill: Half of us pull down the Valentine’s Day stuff and the other half put up the Easter stuff. For the Valentine’s team, put on your latex gloves before handling those chocolate candies in the heart boxes because that candy went irredeemably rancid in the early hours of February 15 so it shouldn’t be handled. The cardboard boxes are also expired and cannot be recycled.

Just throw all of the candy in the wood chipper parked outside. We’ll be sued into oblivion if we try to sell this poison, even at a discount. And get rid of those red flowers, too. They are now toxic, even the ribbons. Into the wood chipper they go.

The rest of you, grab a handful of candy, plastic eggs and fake grass and stock those shelves as fast as you physically can. I want these six aisles to be overflowing with as much jelly beans, Peeps and chocolate bunnies as logistically possible. We really need to move! As it is, people have just two months from today to get ready for Easter. If we waste even one more day, nobody will have everything together in time and the holiday will be ruined.

One last thing: If I see any red in these aisles after today, you’re fired. It’s all pastel until April.

Now let’s move! Move! MOVE!