Keep 'Mas' in 'Christmas'

This Christmas season, with the elevation to president of Donald “l’état, c’est moi” Trump, the War on Christmas is finally over after eight long years and we can finally celebrate the holiday as it was meant to be.

Americans speak only in whispers of those Christmases from 2009 to 2016, dark years when the only joy allowed was nondenominational “holiday” joy. We all know someone who was persecuted by the government in those days—the clerk at the Wal-Mart who wished her first and last customer a “Merry Christmas,” the suburban dad who tried to erect a glow-mold nativity set on the lawn, or the office worker who wore a Christmas sweater to a work holiday party—and was never seen again, vanquished by the forces of the Obama administration’s PC police.

Yes, those Christmases, the houses were dark, stripped of their holy LED or incandescent glory. You looked in the windows of houses and saw not a family basking in the glow of a Christmas tree, but several unrelated adults watching Lena Dunham and calling everything “problematic.” The streets were stygian and secular, and department stores in December were indistinguishable from department stores in March. Even shades of red and green clothing got the side-eye. Only the truly daring political dissidents would whisper a furtive “Merry Christmas” to their likeminded neighbors—and even then, in fear of the gulag.  

Formerly-cowed Christians throughout the nation can finally drag their Christmas trees, covered with eight years of heathen Democratic dust, out of the attic. This will be the year or reacquainting ourselves with the sight of things like nativity sets and wholesome ornaments. The other day, I heard “O Little Town of Bethlehem” and barely recognized the melody at first because I hadn’t heard it since the Reagan administration.

The War on Christmas is finally over. If only Bill O’Reilly had lived to see this.

In conclusion, let’s keep the “mas” in “Christmas.”