Meet Gritty! He's gritty!

Hey, everybody! I’m Gritty! I’m gritty! See my orange beard? It means I have grit! Playoff beard! Grrrr! I’m a gritty man/puppet who’s proven he can grow a beard!

Touch my beard, kids! I won’t bite, despite how gritty I am!

Flyers! Broad Street Bullies! Puck right to the teeth! We’re gritty! Grrrr! I’m so gritty, I leave a textured grit on the ice that the Zamboni must clean up!

I’m gritty! Just like gritty, blue-collar Philadelphia! Phillies and Eagles too! Grrrrit! We all carry lunch pails and wear hard hats here! All of us, to a man, longshoremen! All of us, even preteen girls, with playoff beards, even in the offseason!

I’m so gritty, my favorite movie is True Grit! Not the Coen brothers version—the original with gritty John Wayne!

I order my cheese steaks with Cheez Whiz, onions and extra grit! I grunt out my order at Pat’s! I get Amoroso’s crumbs all over my orange beard! I’m not like that genteel Phillie Phanatic, sticking his green pinkie in the air while sipping a latte!

Because I’m Gritty and I’m gritty!

I’m on the el! I’m stuck on 76! I’m talking trash at a Cowboys fan at the Italian Market!

Kensington! Fishtown! North Philly! Gritty!

I’m the grit under your fingernails after you change your oil! I’m the grit between your bathroom tiles! I’m the grittiest Muppet you’ve ever seen! I’m Gritty!

GRRRRRRR!!!!

11 Thoughts on the Mid-'80s to Late-Mid-'80s Discography of Starship

1. Does anybody else remember when 98 FM would play “We Built This City” and over the intro of the song, they would play, “We built Philly on rock and roll! WCAU-FM!”? I still can’t hear this song without the local intro. Then at the bridge when the DJ talks about San Francisco, 98 would play some stuff about Philadelphia over it, I think substituting the Walt Whitman Bridge for the Golden Gate Bridge from the original.

2. I remember being bitter when 98 switched from Top 40 to an oldies format. Now we’ve come full circle and the station is playing Starship songs and other ‘80s hits because they’re old enough to be oldies.

3. Some polls over the years have said “We Built This City” is the worst song of the ‘80s or even ever. It’s pretty bad but I don’t know about the worst. Not when “Don’t Worry Be Happy” and “Dear Mr. Jesus” came out in the ‘80s.

4. Sara … Sara … STORMS! Are brewing in your eyes …

5. “Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now” is apparently from Mannequin. I don’t remember this very well. My strong knowledge of ‘80s music is a contrast with my dim remembrance of ‘80s movies.

6. God, all the artwork from these singles is terrible. It looks like cut-out Shrinky-Dinks just thrown onto a piece of paper.

7. Did you know “Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now” was songwriter Diane Warren’s first number 1 hit? It’s the first of nine. Her first hit song was “Solitaire” by Laura Branigan.

8. I don’t know: did they really build San Francisco on rock and roll? I know the band has a soft spot for their city but I could think of better cities to illustrate this idea: Detroit, London, Philadelphia, etc.

9. I don’t know what horrible necromancy or alignment of the stars led Starship to score three number 1 hits on the Hot 100 from 1985 to 1987. It just shows that the doling out of number 1 hits can be random and not always indicate material that endures: Starship had three and Roxette had four. Aretha Franklin only had two.

10. No time … is a good time … for goodbye …

11. A few years ago, I drove past a sign saying Starship was playing in a park near work. Just a random park. It was 100 degrees that day. This was a 6:30 concert in June, so it wouldn’t even have been dark yet. Pass.

Backlash to the Backlash to the Backlash of #PSL

America is divided once again. It seems like for the past few years, the country has been toxically polarized by so many pressing issues. And now, it seems I must take sides.

The issue: Is it too early to drink pumpkin spice latte?

I really don’t care. I don’t drink these, am not sure if I’ve ever had PSL from Starbucks or somewhere else, and don’t have much interest in pumpkin. Yet a backlash rages in this country on the exact timing of the release of a seasonal beverage, and I must work myself up to join a side. Do I support the backlash to the late August release of pumpkin spice, or do I support the backlash to the backlash?

On one side, yes, it was rather hot at the end of August and it was disconcerting to see the stores carry a food substance derived from the spices of the pumpkin, which is not yet in season. I suppose I have not been as livid as I should have been about this agricultural revisionism. Do I want to join the backlash against PSL appearing so early? Shall I march with this faction?

Or do I want to join the backlash to the backlash? Should I be more florid with outrage at the shaming of people about their latte choices, or the vicious misogyny inherent in dismissing seasonal beverages? Who should I be yelling at here? Tell me and I will start making protest signs.

Perhaps there is another phenomenon I have not yet considered: The backlash to the backlash to the backlash. This might be people who think PSL comes out too late, and should have been served in the spring.

Regardless, I must choose my side soon—before we all start screaming about Christmas—and start getting apoplectic about something I don’t have much interest in one way or the other.

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I can’t lie: I love money. I love getting it. I love giving it. I love saving it. I love spending it. I love budgeting it.

I am enamored with amortization.

I realize money is not the most important thing in the world, but it is pretty important, and to believe otherwise is either naïve or dumb. No, money can’t buy everything but here is a list of things that money can buy:    

·      Shelter

·      Food

·      Education

·      Medical care

·      Clothing

·      Utilities

·      Transportation

·      Child care

·      Entertainment

So you actually do need money for things. You can look at that sunset for free but eventually, you’ll get hungry, and you’ll need some cash for food.

I try not to be greedy. I try to give. I just want a level of security for myself and my family, and that takes money. I like to think I have a clear-eyed view of money, and that view dictates that in general, it’s better to have money than not have money. This is math. People say “Mo money, mo problems” but nobody ever says “Less money, fewer problems.”

Nothing in particular prompted this. I just balk at the person who breezily says “It’s only money” because that money can build a better life for someone who needs it. It’s not “only money” to them. I also get aggravated when I see people on TV and movies refusing cash because they don’t want their benefactor to own them or whatever. I’m screaming “Take the cash!” at the screen. I’d run to the bank so fast, there would be a cartoon smoke outline where I used to be. I’d take that benefactor’s money to wipe out some debt. You shouldn’t get assessed with money but for Christ’s sake, use your head about how best to employ an important life tool.

I actually have plans for if I ever find a large amount of cash on the ground with nobody around and no identifying information on the cash. I have plans for which debts to tackle first and how to spend such a windfall. I certainly wouldn’t drive down the highway and throw the money out the window and laugh like an idiot in a movie.

In conclusion, some people like to say you can’t throw money at your problems, but throwing money is actually pretty effective when the problem is debt.