S l o w

Drivers are passing you because you are too slow. I’m just letting you know this because you look a little confused. “Why is everyone zipping around me on the right? What a world!” I’ll tell you why: because it’s the height of the morning rush hour and you’re doing 56 in a 55. You are too slow and this is why everyone is passing you. You might think you are going pretty fast because you are exceeding the speed limit by 1 mph. But please start driving like people do on highways in the real world. Your car is in the Eisenhower Administration and it needs to start getting into the disco years. I’m sure you can do it. My car has 211,000 miles on it and the engine sounds like a smoker’s cough and it can still get up into the 70s. You’re just too slow. You may be wondering why people are passing you with angry looks on their faces. Look, we’re not angry people. We just want to get to work on time and you are in the wrong lane. At least move over. You simply are not driving fast enough. I don’t know why this is. Maybe you are mentally preparing to turn left in 10 miles and have to trot along in the left lane and slow down miles before your turn rather than staying in the right and moving into the left lane closer to the turn because, “Oh, I get nervous switching lanes on the highway!” Maybe you’re just out of it, a theory that gains credence because you’ve been driving for several miles with your left turn signal on, making a sound and a light right in front of your face. Maybe you’re just inconsiderate, not noticing the traffic stacking up behind you because you’re an island unto yourself and only need to care about when you’ll get where you’re going. I don’t know why you’re this slow and I don’t care. Just, please, either speed up or move over and let the world get by you.