Enjoy wishing people a “Merry Christmas” this one last year, because with a Demmycrat moving into the White House, we’ll all be legally required next year to wish each other “Happy Holidays” like a bunch of godless commies. If there’s one thing a devout Catholic like Joe Biden cannot tolerate, it’s any mention of Christ or Christmas.
After a four-year truce during the Trump Administration, the War on Christmas will be back on in 2021. It sure was nice for the last few years, wasn’t it? After Obama’s series of executive orders that totally banned every aspect of Christmas from 2009–2016, the faithful could emerge from hiding in 2017, blinking in the light of the Star of Bethlehem. The last four years, we’ve brought mangers and reindeer glow molds out of hiding from the attic to display openly on lawns. No more did we fear being dragged into unmarked vans for the thoughtcrime of wishing a coworker, or a customer, or our kids, a “Merry Christmas.”
It's been such a relief to have a first lady who gave a fuck about Christmas decorations.
Starting next year, if you want to display any type of Christmas decoration in your home, you’re going to have to do it like a speakeasy, where with a push of a button, the walls turn around and the decorations are hidden to reveal state-approved portraits of Karl Marx, each festooned with “Happy Holidays” in a joyless Courier font. Christmas trees, if discovered, will be recycled and turned into Section 8 housing in our pure suburban neighborhoods.
How will this be enforced? The Deep State has installed a camera in each home in America (paid for by SorosBucks) and AOC will personally monitor for your compliance. Those who do not comply will be sentenced to hard labor at the Green New Deal Reeducation Camp.
No more Christmas music either. Traditional, wholesome songs like “Away in a Manger” and “Deck the Halls” and “Baby, It’s Cold Outside” will be automatically deleted from everyone’s devices. Congressional Democrats are already shredding every extant copy of the sheet music. We’ll only be able to listen to traditional Venezuelan or Chinese proletariat music.
Forget about hearing “Merry Christmas” from a cashier ever again. Instead, that Target employee will wish you a monotone “Happy Holidays.” Security cameras will make sure the cashiers do this. If not, they will be dragged from the store and sentenced to the gulag by Democrat judges.
Finally, roving bands of Antifa will be patrolling the streets for any signs of living Nativities. Any participants will have their blood harvested for adrenochrome.
This is war. As Fox News has taught us, the best way to celebrate the birth of the Prince of Peace is by waging war on our enemies—by getting our backs up about broad social trends and keeping them up forever.
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