I could die without regretting that I never did the following things

Tweet

Own a gun

Listen to a Joe Rogan podcast

TikTok

Go camping

Listen to a Taylor Swift album

Engage with anyone in the Kardashian or Jenner families at any level, in any capacity, or devote more than a stray, involuntary thought to any of them

Invest in cryptocurrency

Knowingly be influenced by an influencer

Eat cauliflower cleverly disguised as or substituted for a much better food

Take Libertarian ideas seriously

Go to a Billie Eilish concert

Get baited or taunted into eating excessively hot food

Get baited or taunted into competing to win something I don’t care about

Sit through Joker

Eat a stuffed pepper

Read any more Charles Dickens

Feel actual guilt when indulging in a guilty pleasure

Eat an insect

Lead a conga line

Care what people think of my weight

Run with the bulls in Spain

Go ice fishing

Visit the reptile house