Consume

By Brian McCurdy


Jane finished her piece of apple pie and slid the plate aside. She pulled over her circulars and started digging into them in earnest.

Let’s see … Wal-Mart stays open all night but the Black Friday deals really start at midnight. Target’s doors open at midnight. Best Buy opens at 3 a.m. Kohl’s is the straggler, opening at 4. She started a list on her legal pad.

“Aunt Jane, what are you writing?” her nephew Bobby asked, chocolate cookie in hand.

“Oh, just my list of shopping strategy. I have a lot to cover in the next few hours so I need to get organized.”

“Look at you, so methodical,” said her sister Charlene. “Much more organized than me. I’ll be lucky if I start in mid-December.”

“I enjoy it. It’s a lot of work but I do like to give.”

Charlene cut herself a piece of pumpkin pie and offered Jane a cup of coffee, which she eagerly accepted. Their father switched on the Bears-Cowboys game and Charlene’s husband watched it with him. Their brother went outside for a cigarette. A few of the kids swarmed around the table for brownies and cookies.

“So what’s the game plan?” asked Charlene.

“Well,” Jane said, consulting her checklist, “Wal-Mart is open 24 hours as usual so I can get some DVDs for mom and dad and some CDs for the kids. I figure they have a good price on that stuff year round, so I can get those there first.”

“Right.”

“Then the big Black Friday sale starts at midnight so I can kill time til then. Hopefully, I’ll be first in line for a new 51-inch TV. I’ve been in the market for one for awhile.”

“Good for you. You do need to get rid of that old CRT. I can’t believe you still watch it.”

“I know. I’ve just been waiting for a good sale. Anyway, after that, I can head to Target to pick up some clothes and maybe a coat for Rob. He could use one. At 3, I’ll go to Best Buy. I would love one of those iPads.”

“Well, good luck. They may very well be sold out unless you’re in line early.”

“I figure I can get in line by 1 or 1:30 so I might be OK,” says Jane. “Anyway, if I don’t get an iPad, no big deal. But I thought I’d give it a shot. I can also pick up any CDs or DVDs I didn’t get at Wal-Mart. After that, I’ll check out house wares at Kohl’s when they open at 4.”

Brother Rob, catching wind of the conversation during halftime, walked over. “What a day. I guess you’ll be ready for a nap by then.”

“Yeah, I usually sleep for a bit when I get home,” Jane said. “Which makes it all the more important to stay awake tonight.”

Jane walked into the kitchen to top off her half-empty cup of coffee. Her family always ate Thanksgiving at a normal dinner hour, rather than early afternoon, so after dinner, clean-up and a leisurely dessert, it was almost 9.

She looked around the dining room and tried to match the present with the person.

Mom: How I Met Your Mother season 6.

Dad: Apocalypse Now special edition.

Tracy: Rihanna CD

Bobby: Drake CD

Rob: Missoni overcoat

Charlene: Pfaltzgraf flatware

In her mind’s eye, Jane started planning her routes through the stores. Wal-Mart, Target, Best Buy, Kohl’s. She could almost see the aisles and see herself moving down them, nimble fingers picking through the merchandise.

A little while later, she went to the bedroom to find her coat. “Well, I’d best be off, everyone. It’s getting late and I’d like to get there before the real crowds gather.”

“OK, then,” said her mom. “Thanks for coming. Good to see you. And good luck out there. Happy hunting.”

“Yeah, don’t get trampled on or anything,” her dad laughed.

“You know me. I’m more likely to be the one doing the trampling,” said Jane.

They all laughed. “We’ll talk to you soon about Christmas,” dad told her.

She left amid kisses and hugs. Jane pulled into the Wal-Mart parking lot at 10:02. She waited through three cycles to make the left turn. It was already packed and she had to drive up and down several aisles to find a spot.

She groaned. She left too late. Maybe she should have skipped dessert. All that time wasted drinking coffee.

Finally, she found a spot far away from the main entrance. List in hand, she half ran into the store.

She climbed through aisles of women’s clothes and produce and office supplies, moving deftly around the crowds. Wal-Mart was ablaze in red and green and fluorescent lights and roll-back smiley faces. Johnny Mathis sang “The Most Wonderful Time of the Year.”

The other shoppers pushed their blue carts deliberately down the aisles, half full with all manner of CDs and T-shirts and books. Some wore sweats or pajama pants, while some wore dresses or sweaters, coming directly from turkey and green bean casserole and apple pie. All had alert looks on their faces, their eyes focused on everything and nothing particular with the brightness of a laser.

At the back of the store, there was already a line for the electronics. Jane counted seven people. “Damn,” she muttered. The competition was starting earlier than she anticipated.

The CDs and DVDs would have to wait, then. She could get them later at Target or Best Buy, so it really wasn’t a big deal. She got in line. 

Her laser-like eyes swept the electronics section. There was a 46-inch Samsung that was probably plasma, which she didn’t care for. Another was a 60-inch, which was just too big. Finally, her eyes alighted on the prize: A 51-inch LG, an LED model. Perfect.

She tried to hear what the people in front of her were saying. They seemed to be interested in the 60-inch model, so they wouldn’t be in competition with her. That left five people and two appeared to be a couple so it was really four people potentially in competition for the LG. There were plenty of models, though, so she might not have to worry about anyone else.

She plotted her route directly to the TV, where she would stand and wave down an employee to help her move it. If somebody else got there first, she would just have to settle for her second choice, a 46-inch LED Sony. It was a little smaller but it would have to do.

Jane checked her watch. Just 10:12. Over an hour and 45 minutes to go. Thoughts of presents and credit cards rolled over in her head like tumbling waves, consuming her.