Apropos of Nothing

Agents of SHIELD is a missed opportunity because it hardly showcases any Marvel Universe characters. SHIELD has a rich, 50-year history and the show doesn’t take advantage so what’s the point? All they would have to do is take a few characters who haven’t shown up yet in Marvel movies and introduce them as SHIELD agents. Have people walk into the Helicarrier, introduce themselves as Agent Carol Danvers and Agent Luke Cage and watch every comic fan applaud. Meanwhile, the non-comic fans could also get a taste of these longtime characters. Instead, the cast consists of Some Woman, Some Guy, Some Other Woman, Fric and Frac from the United Kingdom and Agent Smirk. I have zero interest in any of these people. Plus, I am choking on the snarky Whedon dialogue because a little goes a long way. There is a universe of untapped Marvel lore and they just choose not to tap it. 

I thought we agreed as a society that we would not hum in public. I was in Walgreens waiting in line when a woman behind me was humming along to “Stuck With You” by Huey Lewis and the News, which was playing in the store. She didn’t just hum sporadic phrases; she was on every note of the music and it didn’t help that she was right behind me. I was so annoyed and the line was not moving anyway so I had to leave the store and go somewhere else. The lesson is that you might have a song in your heart but you need to keep it inside you.

I think they should alter the pitch of the dial tone just slightly. Everyone would wonder if they’re having a stroke. That would be fun!

The Comcast guide is still listing Wheel of Fortune as “Merv Griffin’s version of the classic game of hangman.” If you really have no idea what this 30-year-old show is, how is mentioning long-dead Merv Griffin going to help? It’s a game show. Vanna White turns letters. You’ll get the gist within five seconds of turning it on. Are there really people who find Wheel of Fortune too obscure but would recognize Merv Griffin as a cultural touchstone?

“Suicide” is a noun and not a verb. Don’t say, “She suicided.” Say, “She committed suicide.” That was today’s morose vocabulary lesson.

I saw a horrific turkey on the Food Network. It was all wrinkly, as if it had been brined after cooking. The chefs then dumped some kind of pecans or something all over the skin. I was watching it from a distance at the gym and couldn’t see the closed captioning so it looked like they were pouring some kind of bugs all over the turkey. Either way, do not add pecans or any nuts to your turkey this Thanksgiving. If someone served me that, I would turn around and leave.