Locker Room Confidential

Rest assured, athletes, that if I ever become one of the first openly gay NFL players (simultaneously becoming the first middle-aged rookie with no athletic ability), I will not do anything inappropriate in the locker room.

With the coming out of Michael Sam, I’ve been thinking about the debate over whether players would fear a gay teammate checking them out or making them uncomfortable in their locker room. I don’t think it will really be the leering nightmare anyone fears it will be.

I think there’s a tendency for a lot of people, gay or straight, to check out naked people of both sexes just because of the novelty of a naked person in front of you. Of course people are going to be looking a little and I wonder if some straight guys sneak a peek, not in a sexual way but just due to human nature. I’d sneak a peek if I somehow ended up in a women’s locker room and it wouldn’t be sexual. I wouldn’t want to make the woman uncomfortable but I think it’s natural for your eye to wander just a little, in the sense that “there’s something you don’t see everyday.”

I don’t mind changing in the locker room. Occasionally there will be a naked guy at the gym and my eye might drift slightly but it’s more like you see the sun reflecting on something shiny out of the corner or your eye and it catches your attention. Or like someone’s wearing a funny hat: You’ll look due to the novelty. There’s certainly no leering involved and no lust. Most people know that their locker room porn fantasy isn’t going to come to life in front of them so we’re just trying to get dressed and get out of there like everyone else.

Nobody wants to be leered at or sexually harassed but the truth is that these football players have probably disrobed, knowingly or unknowingly, around gay people in the gym or in gym class in school and there was no problem.

What nobody is really talking about is that I think a lot of gay people are going to fight extra hard against the urge to look, even a little, because they don’t want to get their asses kicked. So I really doubt that a pro player in any sport, who knows he is already under a microscope, would even leave a sliver of daylight open for any drama to sneak through.

Anyway, that’s just the opinion of a gay gym-goer. I could certainly be wrong since it’s not like I’ve ever played football or have insight into NFL locker room culture. I just watch the game.