Execute them.
Take all the Patriot’s players, coaches, executives and low
level staff and just execute them. Have a show trial in the Hague first to toy
with these people and then have them put to death on live international
television. Hanging might be the most photogenic way of going. Roger Goodell
can work the gallows.
Think this is too harsh? Think again. After reading about
this for several days, sportswriters across the nation have taught me that it
is IMPOSSIBLE to be TOO HYSTERICAL or TOO SHRILL, particularly when pretty much
everyone calling for BLOOD AND FIRE has acknowledged that the Patriots’
deflated footballs had no effect on their 38-point beatdown of the Colts.
Think sports are just fun contests of skills that can bring
people together with shared memories and civic pride? NO. They’re an endless
morality play.
Obviously, with Belichick, Brady, Gronk and the rest of the
team dead, New England will not be able to play in the Super Bowl. Indianapolis
will get the runner-up crown and scepter, which is a long tradition in football
when the winner cannot fulfill her duties. Since the Colts have been so scarred
by Deflategate, let’s just skip the formality and give them the victory and the
Lombardi Trophy now. JUSTICE.
I feel bad for parents. How do you talk to your kids about
this?
The sanctions for the Patriots should not stop here. The NFL
should strip them of their previous Super Bowl wins during the Belichick-Brady
era. Let’s go further and strip the team of all its victories in that time
period, since extrapolating one instance of cheating into 15 constant years of
it is not at all as overblown as … as …
There’s a simile that would be appropriate here. I just
can’t think of it.
Anyway, we need to completely disband the team, raze
Gillette Stadium and sow the earth with lye so nothing can ever be built there
again. Fine the team’s surviving family members $100,000 each to start a fund
to PROTECT THE CHILDREN. Football’s INTEGRITY is at stake like NEVER before in
memory and we MUST ooopnjxasbnixbnas
Sorry about that. I’ve been foaming at the mouth with
outrage and some of it got on my keyboard. Anyway, start building the gallows.
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