My Application for Trump's Chief of Staff

Objective: To obtain employment for monetary compensation

Accomplishments: Have received extensive training in rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic

Education: Yes

Pulse: 60

Resting heart rate: 72

Sentience: Present

Two brain cells to rub together: Yes

Relevant management experience: Not really

Availability to start: Immediately

WASHINGTON (AP)— Sources close to President Trump say McCurdy is the leading candidate.